Tag Archives: motherhood

When Hurting Mode is ON

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Mr. Two’s hitting and kicking modes were ON. For no apparent reason, he would just hit and kick me so hard not just once but several times.
I have never been a perfect mom but I do my best to be a respectful mom. I’m not only after correcting and disciplining my children. I am after educating them and helping them choose to do the good and/or the right thing. Apparently in doing this, I would usually need to do some trial and error.

So I decided to try a few different strategies.

Strategy #1: “The Rule”

Me: “No hitting. No kicking. No hurting other people.”
He stopped for a while then resumed after a few minutes.

 

Strategy #2: “The Golden Rule”

Me: “I said no hitting and no kicking. Do you want me to hit or kick you? Do you want me to hurt you?”
G: “No!”
Me: “If you don’t want me to hurt you, stop hurting me.”
He stopped for a while then resumed.

 

Strategy #3: “Empathy + Solution”

Me: “You seem to be very upset. How about you use your words instead of hurting me? You can always tell me what’s wrong. You’re hurting Mommy big time. When I’m upset with you, I don’t hurt you. And even if you hurt me now, I don’t hit or kick you back. Tell Mommy what’s wrong.”
He stopped, hugged me…then resumed hurting me.

 

Strategy #4: “Ignore”

I just ignored him.
Failed!

 

Strategy 5: “Damsel in Distress”

Me: “You are hurting me. Do you want me to get sick again? Do you want me to stay in the hospital again?”
He stopped, looked at me and he was about to cry.
I realised I was wrong because I wouldn’t want him to feel guilty once I’m back in the hospital.
Me: “Ok. Sorry, Mommy gets sick sometimes for no reason at all. Mommy can get sick even if you’re not hurting me.”
He stopped for quite a long time. Then he resumed in hurting me.

 

Strategy #6: “Ultimatum”

Me: “Hurting someone else is not good. Hitting will never, ever be good no matter what your reasons are. You can always tell me why you’re upset. Use your words instead.”
He continued.
Me: “Do you know that when you hurt other people the police can put you in jail?”
He didn’t know what a jail is.
Me: “In jail, you won’t see Mommy and Daddy and [brother] anymore. You will live with other people who can hurt you too. Mommy will be very, very sad. Mommy will never want you to live in jail BUT, if you continue to hit and kick other people, Mommy will be the one to call the police. Mommy will be sad but I will let the police take you because what you’re doing is not right. It is not good. Do you want Mommy to call the police to take you?”
G: “No. Sorry, Mommy.”
Me: “You’re a good boy. You’ve always been good but hitting and kicking are not good. Are you still going to hurt other people?”
G: “No. Sorry, Mommy. I love you.”
Me: “I love you too. Mommy understands you were upset. I didn’t know why. It’s better if you’ll tell Mommy what happened.”
He didn’t say a word. He only hugged me and looked at me as if he’s asking for a hug and kiss.

I knew there was no external reason. He was very happy before he started and I was even playing with him.

It was more of a “natural urge” caused by something happening inside him that’s actually part of his brain development.
That would have been a valid excuse but I knew that if I let him continue that, he’ll grow up thinking that it’s OK to hurt others. So I’d rather be the mean mom who “scares” her child rather than see him hurting people as he grows up.

And I think it’s also good for him to know that if someone will hurt him, he can call the police to catch the offender. So, yes, better not mess with my children!

Child’s Play and Alphabet

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A child learns best when he’s free to learn in his own pace and in his own ways.

Mr. Two shaped my breast pump tube into this and he said, “Mommy, letter G! G for [his name]!”

Ask me how and where my Mr. Two first learnt about letters. He was almost 1.5 years old then. It was in a hotel in Manila. There was the “EXIT” sign on the lower part of the hallway wall. He traced each letter with his fingers while saying “Mommy?” or “Daddy?” as if he was asking us what it was. After only a couple of “trips” to that “EXIT” sign, he already knew that those four letters were E-X-I-T or T-I-X-E or I-T-X-E (yes, keep on reshuffling…it doesn’t matter).

I treated those “trips” to that sign as purely play but it turned out to be a learning opportunity for him.

As time went by, he would ask us the letters that he could see around. He’s now familiar with alphabet. He would usually name the letters that he’s seen…not always correct but he is most of the time.

Do I ask him to sit down and study or memorise the alphabet? No. Never. Is he a genius? I don’t think so.

How have I made him familiar with the alphabet? I let him be the child who plays and explores. I build up his curiosity. I take him out. We ride on a bus and train and ferry and I let him hold the tickets, which have letters and numbers printed on it. I give him the receipts from cafe or supermarket.

And of course, we sing the alphabet songs.

His fingers and the window with condensation are his pen and paper in the morning.

So in case you get frustrated because your four- or five-year-old child can’t tell you what letter it is that you are pointing at, play with him. Let him play. Let him explore. Go out. Find a stick or twig, use it as your pen and start writing the alphabet on the ground. Go to the beach and write the alphabet on the sand with your fingers or rocks.

Learning can be fun. Let learning happen naturally. Let your child learn how to learn. Let him have fun in learning. Let him play while learning. Let him learn through play. Let him be a child!

The Labyrinth in My Mind

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I’ve been wanting to write since after my appointment with my doctors earlier today. There’s so much that I would like to write. But I don’t know how to start. I don’t know exactly what to write about.

 

Should I write about exactly what the doctors discussed with me? Should I write about the special blood test result that they already received from UK and Australia?

 

Should I write about my single-fibre EMG and Nerve Conduction tests that were done earlier? About how it felt to have a needle inserted into my muscles and being moved around my muscles with those tingling electric shocks?

 

Should I write about acetylcholine? And what should I write about acetylcholine? Its formula or IUPAC name or molar mass or its chemical structure that I learnt from Organic Chemistry and Biochemistry classes back in Uni? Or should I write about how it was discussed by my doctors today?

 

Should I write about Myasthenia Gravis? What about that? About how it can present itself as Guillain-Barré Syndrome? About the medicines that I might need to take, which I hope I wouldn’t have to because once I take such then there’s another medicine to take to prevent the side effects of the main medicine?

 

Should I write about me having to wait for another set of days until the other special blood test results arrive from UK? Or about the scan that should be done on my thymus gland and why it should be done?

 

If someone dares to get into and to explore inside my mind now, he or she might feel how it is to be in a labyrinth.

 

Just when I thought that I have been recovering big time from Guillain-Barré Syndrome, the doctors discussed with me what my condition has been most likely instead of GBS.  And as if GBS was neither rare nor complex enough, the doctors consider that my condition is the rarer and more complex one. The truth is that even if I’ve never wanted to have GBS, I’d rather have it than MG.

 

Looking at the bright side, at least my doctors don’t simply make me take any medications unless all symptoms and test results perfectly match one another. And this whole thing has made me witness the real life “Grey’s Anatomy” (Neurology edition).

 

I’m still hoping and praying for the best.

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

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“Somehow, you need to cling to your optimism. Always look for the silver lining. Always look for the best in people. Try to see things through the eyes of a child. See the wonder in the simplest things. Never stop dreaming. Believe anything is possible.”
Richie Sambora

 

I am not always an optimist. I have my dark days too. I get stuck in dark tunnels too. When I cry, I cry hard and I cry for a long time…quietly. I cry when the whole world is asleep…

So that when everybody wakes up the next morning, all they see on my face is a smile… the smile of victory. I smile because deep inside I know I have defeated the pessimist me. I smile because I have begun moving forward again towards the light at the end of the dark tunnel where I got stuck.

It has been over a month now when I felt like something stole the motherhood in me. But recently I have realised that motherhood has never been stolen away from me. Although I have not been able to do almost everything that I used to do as the mother of my children, the mother in me has always loved them so dearly.

They say GBS has no cure. I say these two boys are the cure that any medical experts haven’t discovered yet.

I have realised that I have still sacrificed a lot as their mother. Putting them in a childcare centre has been a huge sacrifice for me. It had never been part of my plans to put them under the care of other people. However, it has been what is best not only for them but also for me and their Daddy. My husband has somehow been able to work for a little more hours for two weeks now (still not full time since he needs to take me to doctor sometimes). And I have been able to focus more on my recovery — therapies and my most needed rest.

My very young boys happily enjoying their freedom to explore the world away from me and their Daddy

Moreover, the best thing that has ever happened these days is how my young boys have seemed to be able to show their resilience and adaptability during this tough time that our family has been facing. I have even received a lot of overwhelmingly high praises about them. Nowadays, the world has seemed to make me realise how blest I’ve been with very beautiful children.

Yes, my children have always been the positive motivating force since they came into my life. I remember I even told my neurologists while I was crying to them for several times: “I wouldn’t mind and I wouldn’t care if I stay like this for the rest of my life if I’m not a mom. I could even die anytime soon. But I am a mother, you have to know what’s really going on because I’m sure once you know it, you’ll be able to tell me what we have to do and I will do every single thing that I will be asked to do.”

So now, I have three or four therapy sessions a week and I have different  sets of exercises that I need to do several times a day. And I don’t mind doing them all because that’s the only way for me to get back to being the kind of mother that I used to be.

Yesterday, I was able to hold my baby upright for several minutes…while sitting, of course. ❤❤❤

These days, I’ve been able to play a little with my boys when they are home. I’ve been able to (partially) change their nappies and clothes sometimes. And yesterday, I was able to hold my baby upright while sitting for several minutes after my husband handed him over to me. It was such a blissful moment!

Indeed, every cloud has a silver lining… even the darkest one. Yes, even the darkest cloud has a silver lining.

Thirty-Five

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Thirty-five gems for my sons:

  1. There is indeed one Supreme Being — God, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit…for others, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha,… Different names perhaps… but there’s indeed one Supreme Being and He is our Father and He loves us.
  2. Have a strong faith in God for nothing is impossible with  Him.
  3. Respect other people’s choice of religion. Religion doesn’t define who’s good and who’s not.
  4. Fire is to Gold as Pressure is to Diamond as Adversity is to Man. One day, life will make you comprehend what this means.
  5. People matter over matters.
  6. Let your greatness be defined by your goodness and kindness to everyone and everything that breathes, not by wealth nor fame nor power.
  7. Marry only one woman. Then love only the woman whom you’d marry.
  8. Your father has been an excellent Daddy to both of you. That should be more than enough for your future children to also have a great Dad!
  9. We are not only beneficiaries of Mother Nature; we are created as stewards of all God’s creations.
  10. It is OK to rest sometimes. Be kind and gentle to yourselves.
  11. Expect that you will commit mistakes. Once you do…admit and correct them then avoid doing them again.
  12. Love your brother and be there for one another…all the time!
  13. Your Daddy and I have been doing our best to build a strong foundation for you. It will be up to you what and how you will build on it.
  14. The universe does not have a centre. This means you are not the centre of the universe.
  15. Keep your feet on the ground (figuratively). You can literally climb up a tree if you want to. But keep your feet on the ground (yes again, figuratively).
  16. You are unique. Based on the standards set by any society, you might either be better or less than the others…don’t bother too much about it. You are unique.
  17. You are and will always be special to me and to your Daddy. I hope that’s more than enough for your self-esteem.
  18. Everbody’s unique. Respect. It’s all about respect.
  19. You might want to be a doctor or engineer or farmer or builder or truck driver, etc.. Choose  to be any of those but please be a good man always.
  20. The best opportunity that life will present to you is the opportunity to help. Always grab it.
  21. At one point or another in your life, you will need help. Be humble and wise enough to ask for it.
  22. You have always been blessed and you will always be. Share your blessings. Pass them on.
  23. Your Daddy and I have been educating you since you’re very little. Therefore, you have no reason to act like uneducated. Being well-mannered and politeness are the keys.
  24. Find ways to explore the world without spending too much money.
  25. You might be able to afford a huge house. Don’t let it define you. It’s how you treat everyone who knocks on your door or who enters your house that will define you.
  26. Life can be unfair. So do your best to be fair to everyone.
  27. Life itself can be tough. So be gentle to yourself and to everyone.
  28. Pray. Don’t just recite prayers. Talk to God the way you talk to your best friend.
  29. Be yourself. But in the process of being yourself, never harm nor hurt anyone else.
  30. Live. Let live.
  31. When you have to, let go and let God.
  32. I trust you.
  33. I love you so much.
  34. Again, I love you.
  35. In case you’ve already forgotten, I LOVE YOU!