Tag Archives: motherhood

The Garage

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When our Mr. Three woke up from his afternoon nap last Saturday, he said:

“Mommy, I slept well. Let’s go to toys. I’ll buy the garage.”

I just woke up too and my brain wasn’t functioning well yet at that time. I tried hard to comprehend what he was saying because neither my husband nor I mentioned that we’re going to a toy store that day.

Then I remembered that almost a month ago, the day before his birthday, we went to “his toys store” and he saw a really huge toy garage. I knew he liked it but I was glad that he was OK when I told him that we wouldn’t buy that.

The toy garage that Mr. Three wants to buy

I told him, “We can go to toy store now but we can’t buy the garage because it’s too expensive and we don’t have enough money to buy that.”

He said, “I have money. It’s in my yellow elephant, Mommy. We can get my coins and go to the toys store and buy the garage!”

I replied to him, “I’m not sure if that’s enough for you to be able to buy the garage. We can get the coins from your yellow elephant and see if it’s enough. We need $200 (the regular price; it’s now discounted for 50%) to buy that garage. If there’s $200 or more, we can buy the garage. But it looks like you’ve only had $10. How about we save more coins and when you have $200 in your elephant we can buy your garage?”

Mr. Three’s yellow elephant

He started to cry. It was the first time that he cried like that over a toy. It broke my heart. I could feel how much he liked that toy garage. I wanted to give in.

But then, I did not. It was not all about the money after all. It was about helping our young boy to learn some important lessons in life.

1. He needs to learn the difference between needs and wants. We do our best to provide our children everything that they need but we don’t give them everything that they want.

2. He needs to learn to “work” to get what he wants. This time it’s just saving the coins that I give him to put into his yellow elephant from time to time. I don’t regularly give him coins. Those coins are just the change from my allowance when we go out. He doesn’t really have his own allowance yet and we don’t give him coins as a reward. We don’t actually give them any rewards for their good deeds because they have to do good deeds without expecting any reward.

3. He needs to learn to have patience and self-control. This time, he and his Daddy agreed that they’ll wait until Christmas before he can buy that garage. So he still has 5 months to save for that garage. I had to wait for two years before I had the piano/keyboard that I was dreaming to have since I was in 4th grade. I received my piano as a graduation gift and it was only because I met the “requirement” that Papa and Lola set for me to achieve in grade school. Yes, it took TWO long years!

4. He needs to know that we are not supposed to spend that much for something that he only wants just like that. So he needs to “work” and be patient to have that. Even if we have enough money to buy such, I wouldn’t easily spend that much for something that he doesn’t really need. And honestly, we are not in the position to spend that much for a toy. The most expensive toy that we have bought for him was his balance bike, which was only $50 because that was a secondhand bike.

5. He can use his creativity and imagination while playing instead of having an instant toy like that. I remember how much I wanted to have a Barbie house. I never had the pink house with a “Barbie” mark but, as I grew older, I managed to make different houses for my Barbie dolls out of Lego or boxes. I never felt deprived; instead, I felt happy and proud each time that I made a house for my Barbie dolls.

 

As much as I want to give my sons everything, I know my husband and I don’t have to actually give them every material thing that they want. We provide what they need but not everything that they want. We don’t deprive them but we don’t want them to grow up believing that they’re entitled to get everything that they want. As I admitted earlier, it broke my heart when I refused to give him what he wanted but I know it will break my heart more if he grows up not being able to learn the important lessons in life.

For now, the toy garage is an item that has been added to our family agenda’s parking lot.

A Great Village To Raise Children

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It was 2nd of February in 2015 when we came to Hillsborough Playcentre for our first visit. That was my 33rd birthday. My firstborn was about to turn 8 months old then.

Photos during our first visit at Hillsborough Playcentre

Coming from a country where most children grow up attached not only to our parents and siblings but also to our grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins (as a matter of fact, to our neighbours as well), we felt like our child was missing something in his life. Although I knew that my son will eventually go to school where he’ll meet new people, I have believed that he would also need to be around other people during his preschool years. But then, being migrants here, it was just me and my son in the house during weekdays and it’s usually just me, my husband and our son during weekends. Physically, we have neighbours but, to be honest, we haven’t met our neighbours until now. And although I knew he needed to be around other people apart from me, I never wanted to put him in a childcare centre and he’s too young for kindy. I tried to join in playgroups but I wasn’t lucky to find a group that I could be comfortable with because the first groups that I encountered were with moms who would put their children down with toys and other babies then would just start to chat about the challenges in motherhood. In my mind, I was screaming, “I already know it’s hard to be a mom and I came here so that my child and I could have people to interact and play with. I brought my child here not to be talked about!”

So my husband and I had a hard time figuring out what to do. Personally, I wanted to go to a place where I wouldn’t have to leave my child behind, a place where he would not have to come and stay for long hours, a place where he can discover and develop himself — his own interests, his own skills. I wanted to take him to a place where he wouldn’t be directed what to do, a place where he can choose what, when, where, with whom and how to play. I wanted to take him to a place where I could be a part of making decisions on how to help my child learn and thrive. I wanted to go to a place with my child where we could have fun together.

For several months as we would drive on the road where our house is, I could always see the “Playcentre” signage. When I was already desperate to find an option for my son, that signage came to my mind so I researched about it and here’s what it says on their website:

If at this point, you want to know more about Hillsborough Playcentre, here are their website and Facebook page.

Everything that I had read about them appealed to me. It felt like that was exactly what I wanted. So I made an enquiry and I was invited for a visit.

Then came our first visit. Right then and there, I already wanted to join. The place was totally awesome — an indoor space where children could freely choose the toys, puzzles, costumes and books, a huge outdoor area where children could freely move around and explore. I saw children in costumes — princesses, animals, superheroes. I heard children laughing, talking to each other and even planning about their play dates. The moms whom I spoke with were all praises for the centre. They all sounded happy — both adults and children. They allowed me and my son to simply experience how it is to be at Playcentre. And yes, we joined in.

I believe joining Hillsborough Playcentre is one of the best decisions that my husband and I have made. I have seen how our son has learnt and developed over the past two and a half years that we’re at Playcentre. He’s got people whom he calls his friends and those whom he calls friends are not only children but also the children’s moms (and a few dads).

Moreover, my husband and I have found our own friends from Playcentre — well, not only friends… we have found a family… a great village where we would love to raise our children.

In the past two and a half years, we got to have fun with them not only in the centre but also in the parks, ferry rides, parties, etc.. Our firstborn celebrated all his first three birthdays with them. Then I got pregnant and gave birth to our 2nd son. Each day for two weeks, each member family took turns in bringing a home-cooked meal for us. When I had to rush my firstborn to the hospital, a Playcentre friend rushed to our house to look after our baby. When I got sick earlier this year, our Playcentre friends helped us in looking after our children. Yes, our Hillsborough Playcentre family has been one of our main support groups during those challenging times.

But due to the illness that badly hit me this year, I had to make a very sad decision. We’ve got to stop from coming to “our village” at the moment but with the hope of being able to come back perhaps after two or three terms. Although they have wanted us to stay and have offered us several different options and great support, I still decided to leave because I can feel that I won’t be able to give the same commitment that I would always love to give and I don’t want to be unfair to the community who has been giving their best for us.

Moreso, I know in my heart that, more than anything else, my children need a strong and healthy mother. Our own family needs me to be the strongest and healthiest that I can be. And I know that once I get back to my healthiest state, we are going to come back to the village that we have loved so dearly.

A farewell card is the last thing I want to receive from Hillsborough Playcentre.

For now, it’s au revoir… til we meet again, our beloved Hillsborough Playcentre! ❤️❤️❤️

My Faith and God’s Faithfulness

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When I think about God, I see myself as if I am forever a child.

I have been asked several times already how I have been able to still smile and to stay happy after everything that has happened in my life. I have been praised many times for being a brave and strong person, for being a woman of God and for having a strong faith in God.

The truth is that I am not always brave and strong. I get scared and anxious many times. I may be smiling but I am not always happy when I smile. I also feel sad and I also get depressed.

The truth is that I also lose my faith in God from time to time. I question Him. I complain to Him. I argue with Him. Sometimes, I just want to give up and that if I can stop myself from breathing, I would.

But then, I always feel that God have never given up nor will he ever give up on me. I feel like He has always remained and will always stay faithful to me.

If anyone will ask me how I can say or prove that God is faithful to me, I don’t know but I strongly feel it deep inside.

What has happened to me these past few months was not the only time when I felt like life and the world have been conspiring to force me to simply give up. I have been through family crises, death of a loved one, dangers, failures, heartbreaks, illnesses and people’s harsh judgments — you know, those moments in life when I could just let my spirit be crushed into billions of bits and pieces.

Yes, there were thousands of times when I was already on the edge and I was too certain and prepared to jump off the cliff.

And then, instead of falling, it felt like I would just be floating until my feet would land on a better ground. It would always feel like I am being saved. Or better yet, I am presented with a great amount of hope… as if I am being told that there are still more beautiful days and years ahead of me.

So what has happened to me these past few months has just been another chapter in my life where God has shown me his love and faithfulness.

After all these months when I was losing hope and I was scared of not being able to look after my sons again, I am back to being the mom that I planned to be although my younger boy has still been spending days in the childcare centre.

Today, I have been discharged from physiotherapy. Next week might mark my final occupational therapy session. Although there are still tests to be done and even if I would still need to be seen by a dietitian and the neurologists, I feel really glad now that I can do almost everything that I used to do.

Indeed, God has always been faithful to me.

In my moments of fear
Through every pain Every tear
There’s a God who’s been faithful to me
When my strength was all gone
When my heart had no song
Still in love, He’s proved faithful to me.
Every word He’s promised is true
What I thought was impossible I see my God do

He’s been faithful, Faithful to me
Looking back, His love and mercy I see.
Though in my heart I have questioned, even failed to believe He’s been faithful, faithful to me.

(He’s Been Faithful by Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir)

How Am I?

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When I am asked “How are you?” nowadays, I honestly don’t know how I should answer that question.

How am I in terms of my health? Hmmm… I can say that I am so much better and stronger now as compared to how I was in January and February.

How am I? How do I feel nowadays? I can say that I can still find reasons to be happy, most especially when my sons are around. But there is one thing that I should be honest about.

I’ve been anxious and sometimes depressed.

Who wouldn’t be anxious when more than three months have already passed yet my condition isn’t clear until now? Who wouldn’t be anxious when I’ve seen worse result of a repeat blood test yet I’m still waiting for my turn on a test that might most likely confirm my condition? Who wouldn’t be anxious when I was supposed to undergo a test yet I received a call hours before informing me that the machine broke down and that the test would be moved a month after?

Who wouldn’t be anxious now that I learnt that the AChR level in my bloodstream had doubled up in just a matter of two months? (Here’s What is AChR?) The first AChR blood test done returned a 2.4 units result and the repeat test returned a 4.8 units result. Acceptable level is less than 0.4 units. This was the blood test result that made my neurologists think that I have Myasthenia Gravis instead of Guillain-Barré Syndrome. (Here’s What’s Myasthenia Gravis?)

Yes, with the help of all the therapies that I’ve been going through, I have been better and stronger nowadays yet there have been days when I would feel all the initial symptoms back once I get tired.

Yes, I have graduated from using a walking frame but I still need to use a walking stick and I have been prescribed with a pair of distance eyeglasses. And I am still not allowed to be out and about without an adult companion. How many 35-year-olds have been required to walk with a stick and eyeglasses and required to have an adult companion? I am still thankful for the progress that I have made in the past few weeks though. But, honestly, it is hard!

Required when I’m out and about plus an adult companion

Who wouldn’t be depressed when you have two young adorable boys yet you cannot run around a park with them? Who wouldn’t be depressed when you would want to take them to swimming yet you can’t because no one can give you an assurance that you can be safe when you go for a swim?

Who wouldn’t be depressed when you’re thirty-five yet you have to depend on other adults around you? Who wouldn’t be depressed when you want to believe that you’ve been recovering well yet many people treat you and look at you like you are a very fragile item?

Who wouldn’t be depressed when all you want to do every single day is to just do all the things that you would normally do yet you have to undergo physiotherapy, occupational therapy plus talk therapy (psychotherapy) almost every day then you have to be checked by a dietician and speech & language therapist every now and then? That’s exhausting yet I am still grateful that I am being looked after very well by this awesome rehab team.

All these things plus some issues on the sidetrack have made me feel anxious and depressed yet I am still so thankful for all the help and blessings that I have been receiving.

So how am I nowadays? I am not really OK yet I am still fighting and trying to look fine. And I’m still looking forward for what is beyond all these challenges. After all, life must go on!

 

Let Them Be

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“I am SUPERMAN!!!”

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” -Nelson Mandela

“Nooooo!!!No suot (wear) that! Not that shirt! Not that pants!” screamed Mr. Two. “I want Superman lang (only),” he DECLARED.

There are mornings like this. Sometimes, it happens during mornings when everybody’s in a hurry. Yes, the struggle is real! (I ALSO WANT TO SCREAM “NOOOOO!!!”)

But then, what’s really wrong about a two-year-old wearing his Superman costume when he will just go to play in the childcare centre or at Playcentre? Nothing! Yes, nothing, right?! So why struggle?

“I am MAUI now!”
(Because he got “tattooed”…with stickers!)

Recently, he has become so OBSESSED with Moana. When he’s allowed to watch TV, he wants to watch Moana only. When we listen to music, it has to be the Moana soundtrack. And we have to listen to Moana soundtrack every single minute … every single day… and he dances his heart out every single time that he hears the songs. (Dancing is the cute part but listening to the same music over and over again? It makes me… “What can I say except you’re welcome? You’re welcome!” Arghhhhh…) Oh, one afternoon, he didn’t want to wear anything except his underpants because Maui is topless and then yesterday, he’s got himself “tattooed” (with stickers) because Maui has tattoos and HE IS MAUI, according to him!

So anything wrong with that? NOTHING!!! Because there is nothing wrong in letting the child believe that he can be whoever he wants to be.

Now I may be questioned: “So what if he gets so frustrated when he’d finally realise that he is neither Superman nor Maui?”

First, I am sure that he knows that he is neither Superman nor Maui because we call him by his real name and he responds to us.

Second, it is very, very natural for children and even for adults to get frustrated. Therefore, it is actually good for him to get frustrated when reality hits him. It becomes an opportunity for us to help him learn how to accept the fact, let go and move forward while he is still very young. Then while he realises that it is not all the time that he can be whoever he wants to be, he will still believe in himself.

Because he can try to become the person he wants to be. Because we believe that he can. Because we let him be!

He can be a mechanic!

He can be a firefighter! (He’s just having a break in the fire station. Look, he’s still wearing his fireman boots!)

He can mow the lawn!

He can be a photographer!

He can be a musician!

He can be an engineer or even a plumber!

He can be a chef!

I am a strong advocate of free play. They can get messy. They can get wet. They can explore. They can run around until they get tired. They can play with dolls as long as they are being good fathers or big brothers to the doll. They can play cooking.

Basically, I let my children do everything. I let them be.

Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, I give them freedom to do whatever they want to. However, I also have rules that they must strictly follow.

  • When it is eating time, it is eating time. They have to sit with us at the dining table. (This can be bent sometimes but should be followed most of the time.)
  • Eat what’s served on the table. Be thankful for the food whatever it is. They can decide on how much to eat though (only them can feel whether they’re hungry or full).
  • Bedtime starts between 7:30pm and 8pm. I can’t control how soon they fall asleep but they must stay on the bed…no standing up, no sitting, no jumping…nothing else but lie down!
  • Never hurt nor harm anyone.

I let them be because I want them to know that I trust them. I let them be but I let them face the consequences of their choices. I let them be and I celebrate with them when they achieve something from being who they have decided to be. I let them be because I know that it will help them develop a good amount of self-control and a good sense of full responsibility over their lives.

I love, trust and respect  them that’s why I let them be.