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How It Is To Live And Raise A Family in New Zealand (2nd Part of Part 2: Our Family, A Team… Pregnancy and Birth)

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Disclaimer: As what I put on Part 1, everything that’s written here is based on our own family’s experiences and based on my perspective and preferences. This is the second of the series where I’ll write about how we live (or survive perhaps) as a family away from our families and relatives in the Philippines.

There’s a baby and it’s a boy!

When my first ever pregnancy test came back positive, I knew beforehand that it would come back positive. Two weeks before I took that test, I already felt that something different was happening inside my body. We did not tell anyone yet until it was confirmed by our GP (family doctor). My husband and I were very excited, of course! But we were also very nervous. Moreover, I was overwhelmed in both positive and negative ways because I was working on a project as a volunteer in a non-profit organisation where we were coming up with a tutoring program for the refugees and an ESL program specifically for Japanese migrants here. But as most mothers would surely agree with me, having a baby inside me gave me the most wonderful feeling ever. The second one was more of a surprise. We were in the Philippines when I felt that something was happening inside me. My husband and I did the test that turned out positive on the day before our flight back to NZ. We kept quiet until another test came back positive a week after we were back here in NZ.

In our experience here in NZ, as soon as the pregnancy test that we had at home turned out positive, we saw our GP to have it confirmed. Then our GP ordered me to undergo some blood tests and a scan (that’s how ultrasound is called here). Here is a bit of a guide about screening tests and scans that are being done here: Click here for the screening tests and scans info. Then I was prescribed to take folic acid, iodine and iron supplements.

My babies and I were under the care of our GP for most of the first trimester until I found a midwife. Finding a midwife here wasn’t easy based on my experience. My baby was due in June and winter starts in June here. When I rang almost five midwives, they were either “fully-booked” or going overseas for holiday (perhaps to somewhere warm). Yes, the lead maternity carer here is usually a midwife unless it is considered a high-risk pregnancy.

I had different Lead Maternity Carers (LMC) in my two pregnancies. The first one was in West Auckland and the second one was closer to our place. I loved the partner midwife of my first LMC. She was the one who helped my first-born to come out into this world. I would have asked her to become my LMC if she was still here in Auckland. I also loved my second LMC. She was very calm up to the extent of me imagining her as a great meditation guru.

My first pregnancy was difficult. I was experiencing nausea and all-day morning sickness almost in my entire pregnancy. I had some false alarms towards my due date as spots of blood would come out several times a couple of weeks before I gave birth. My second pregnancy was easier during the first half as I was even able to still go out and about with my first child and to still attend the workshops to finish some modules in the Playcentre course that I was completing at that time. It started to appear complicated when I had a bit of a fall down a ramp. I was admitted in the hospital for three days at my 28th week of pregnancy because a test indicating that the baby might come out early came back positive. They had to give me steroids to prepare the baby’s lungs in case he would have to come out prematurely. I had to come back to hospital almost twice a week for a month to be monitored. They had to do several anatomy scans during the last couple of months of my pregnancy to make sure that the baby was still growing and developing well inside. I was already being seen by obstetricians in the hospital then and they were coordinating with my midwife. Thankfully, both of my babies decided to stay inside me until their 38th week.

During my first pregnancy, my husband and I attended several nights of antenatal classes and I attended some sessions of pregnancy yoga on Saturdays. I only had the drive to do some walking during the last trimester of my first pregnancy but I managed to walk a lot during my second pregnancy.

OK, so how was my labour? And how did I give birth?

During my labour in the birthing suite, this was one of my positions next to standing on the floor.

My husband and I did not experience those “driving-fast-to-hospital-because-my-water-bag-broke” scenes in the movies. During my first pregnancy, I was in the hospital for two nights already before the big day because of the spots of blood that I had. The obstetrician was even considering to induce me. During my second pregnancy, my midwife asked me to go to hospital early in the morning on the day that I gave birth because it seemed like I was already in labour.

Both labours were indeed hard work, however, my boys did not let me suffer from labour pains for more than 6 hours. Moreover, they did not make me push as hard and long as the ones being portrayed in movies. Both came out through normal vaginal deliveries and I did not need any pain relief or epidural in both. There were no screaming inside the birthing suites as I also did not want anyone to be talking to me. I wanted complete silence! My first midwife made me stand for almost two hours while I was having those tremendous labour pains. She did not allow me to lie down or sit down. Gravity was indeed very helpful. Within 15 or 20 minutes after my water bag broke, our first-born came out. My second midwife had to pop my water bag as she believed that it would be helpful for my baby to go down quicker. I was lying down for most part during my active labour stage in the second one as I felt like I was already running out of strength and energy. I literally felt like I was dying soon at that time. Obviously, I did not! However, I did not have to actually push more than twice as my second son performed a great sprint when he was coming out. I am really, really thankful to my sons, to my midwives and to my husband who was present during the whole process (from making babies to taking care of them).

First of the most beautiful moments in my life…
Motherhood is a privilege and the greatest blessing from God.

During both of my pregnancies up to labour and birth of our sons, we did not have anyone to live with us as a support person. It was just me and my husband the whole time. We shared in household chores. My husband couldn’t even go to work sometimes because I wasn’t feeling so well or I needed him to accompany me to my check-up or to be with our first-born in the Playcentre. It was never easy for us but, as I wrote in my previous posts, being just us most of the time in those very challenging times has been wonderful. We continuously learn to hold on to each other and work together so that we can raise our family well.

There were times when we also asked for help and support from our families back in the Philippines and from the people who have been close to us here in NZ. We can say that we have had great support network here. It may not be the same as the ones whose families are just around the corner but the people whom we’ve had here are really great help to us. And we are forever grateful to them.

In both of my pregnancy, labour and birth experiences, I can say that we encountered big challenges. I had excruciating pains (who knows, my sons might have felt pains too). My husband had to deal with my mood swings and he has also had to adjust his lifestyle (i.e. no triathlons for three years now). However, in the midst of all the difficult years that we have had, I have no doubt that we are a family… that we are a team.

When the kuya met his baby brother

Side notes: We did not have to pay any of my antenatal check-ups with our GP and midwives. Blood tests and flu/whooping cough vaccines were free when I was pregnant. Antenatal classes were free. We never even had to pay the hospitals when I gave birth. We had to pay for scans and pregnancy yoga classes, anyway. (OK, my husband and I have permanent resident visa here. I’m not sure how it is for those with work visa.)

***Next part will be about how it is to have babies here in New Zealand.***

Let Them Be

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“I am SUPERMAN!!!”

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” -Nelson Mandela

“Nooooo!!!No suot (wear) that! Not that shirt! Not that pants!” screamed Mr. Two. “I want Superman lang (only),” he DECLARED.

There are mornings like this. Sometimes, it happens during mornings when everybody’s in a hurry. Yes, the struggle is real! (I ALSO WANT TO SCREAM “NOOOOO!!!”)

But then, what’s really wrong about a two-year-old wearing his Superman costume when he will just go to play in the childcare centre or at Playcentre? Nothing! Yes, nothing, right?! So why struggle?

“I am MAUI now!”
(Because he got “tattooed”…with stickers!)

Recently, he has become so OBSESSED with Moana. When he’s allowed to watch TV, he wants to watch Moana only. When we listen to music, it has to be the Moana soundtrack. And we have to listen to Moana soundtrack every single minute … every single day… and he dances his heart out every single time that he hears the songs. (Dancing is the cute part but listening to the same music over and over again? It makes me… “What can I say except you’re welcome? You’re welcome!” Arghhhhh…) Oh, one afternoon, he didn’t want to wear anything except his underpants because Maui is topless and then yesterday, he’s got himself “tattooed” (with stickers) because Maui has tattoos and HE IS MAUI, according to him!

So anything wrong with that? NOTHING!!! Because there is nothing wrong in letting the child believe that he can be whoever he wants to be.

Now I may be questioned: “So what if he gets so frustrated when he’d finally realise that he is neither Superman nor Maui?”

First, I am sure that he knows that he is neither Superman nor Maui because we call him by his real name and he responds to us.

Second, it is very, very natural for children and even for adults to get frustrated. Therefore, it is actually good for him to get frustrated when reality hits him. It becomes an opportunity for us to help him learn how to accept the fact, let go and move forward while he is still very young. Then while he realises that it is not all the time that he can be whoever he wants to be, he will still believe in himself.

Because he can try to become the person he wants to be. Because we believe that he can. Because we let him be!

He can be a mechanic!

He can be a firefighter! (He’s just having a break in the fire station. Look, he’s still wearing his fireman boots!)

He can mow the lawn!

He can be a photographer!

He can be a musician!

He can be an engineer or even a plumber!

He can be a chef!

I am a strong advocate of free play. They can get messy. They can get wet. They can explore. They can run around until they get tired. They can play with dolls as long as they are being good fathers or big brothers to the doll. They can play cooking.

Basically, I let my children do everything. I let them be.

Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, I give them freedom to do whatever they want to. However, I also have rules that they must strictly follow.

  • When it is eating time, it is eating time. They have to sit with us at the dining table. (This can be bent sometimes but should be followed most of the time.)
  • Eat what’s served on the table. Be thankful for the food whatever it is. They can decide on how much to eat though (only them can feel whether they’re hungry or full).
  • Bedtime starts between 7:30pm and 8pm. I can’t control how soon they fall asleep but they must stay on the bed…no standing up, no sitting, no jumping…nothing else but lie down!
  • Never hurt nor harm anyone.

I let them be because I want them to know that I trust them. I let them be but I let them face the consequences of their choices. I let them be and I celebrate with them when they achieve something from being who they have decided to be. I let them be because I know that it will help them develop a good amount of self-control and a good sense of full responsibility over their lives.

I love, trust and respect  them that’s why I let them be.

An Opportunity To Help

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32-year-old mom in the Philippines who got paralysed for FOUR years now

I am writing this blog with hope that this can find a way to help another mom who has been suffering with somewhat similar illness like mine for four years now. She’s now 32 years old with one daughter who’s almost 7 years old now. I met her only last night when she sent a message to me after reading my blog. She’s the wife of a grade school classmate of mine.

Screenshots of her messages telling me what happened to her

Her suffering started before dawn on 2nd of March 2013. She said that it all started with severe pain on the left part of her back and she couldn’t breathe easily. They waited for sunrise before they dropped their then 2-year-and-8-month-old daughter to their mom’s house on their way to hospital. While she was preparing, her left arm got numb. As they approached the hospital, she felt that she was losing her balance and when it was time to hop off from the jeepney, she couldn’t lift herself up anymore so her husband had to carry her already.

They spent the whole day in the emergency waiting for an available room. When she was finally in the room that night, she reached  the point of full paralysis. It was only her head that she could move. She was in the hospital for two weeks where several tests were done and every test result was normal. The doctor told her that what she got was “transverse myelitis”. (I don’t know what it is but by the sound of myelitis, it could be an inflammation of the myelin sheath…oh, I’m not a doctor!) She was told that there’s NO cure and therapies should be done so she can possibly recover.

Apparently, they have been financially incapable of paying for the therapies since her husband had to leave work as he’s the one looking after her. Her husband needs to carry her until now as she is still not able to stand up.

What a heartbreaking story!

I hate to say this but her story has made me feel how lucky I still have been despite my current condition. I feel sorry for her that her condition was that severe. I feel sorry for her because she lives in a place where medical benefits are not as good and enough as I’ve been receiving here. I believe that if only she was able to continue undergoing the necessary therapies, she might’ve recovered — if not fully, at least she might’ve been able to stand up or even walk.

If you’re reading this and if you think of any possible way that we could help her, please comment below. She said that her illness has made her and her family’s world to crumble down. So if there’s any way that we could be of help, let us help to rebuild their world.

With her very caring and loving husband who was my classmate in grade school

To you, my new friend, please hang in there and know that you’re not alone. Sending my prayers to you… and let us both hope for the best!

The Longest Eight Days of My Life

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It was New Year’s Eve afternoon. My left leg suddenly felt weak. I thought that I was just tired.

First day of year 2017. I woke up because of the severe pain from the left part of my hips all the way down to my left foot. I thought that I might have made a wrong step the day before. Lunch time. I had difficulty in swallowing… not that my throat was sore but my throat muscles felt weak. As that day went by, my right leg started to feel weak too. I thought I only needed some rest.

2nd day of the new year. It’s a new year! But it’s also a day for our family to get some break from all the festivities! My husband and I decided to clean the house. I decided to clean our shower cubicle. When I had to get up after scrubbing the floor, I couldn’t lift myself up from sitting. My legs and feet felt powerless. My husband had to lift me up. I thought that perhaps I was really exhausted.

Night came. Severe pain from my hips all the way down through my both legs and to my both feet. Even my saliva was hard to swallow while I was lying on the bed. I thought I had to know what could be the reason.

It was almost midnight. I had a chat with my best friend who’s a doctor in UK. She said the symptoms were alarming. She was hoping that I would go to hospital soon. I called the Healthline hoping to get some advice for possible home remedies. The nurse on the phone said that I should be in the hospital within the next two hours. I thought that timing seems to be not good.

It was midnight. My 2.5-year-old and 5-month-old boys were deeply asleep. They were very tired from the New Year’s celebrations. My husband and I waited til the morning came before we went to the hospital emergency. I thought I would end up being told by the doctor that I would only need to rest and head back home.

In the emergency department. I spoke with the triage nurse. It took only around 15 minutes and I was asked to go to an area. I was given the direction to follow the black line on the floor. On my way to where the black line was leading me, I saw that I was going to “Ambulatory” area. I thought that perhaps there’s something serious.

Ambulatory. I was seen by a nurse and followed by a doctor. A CT scan of my brain was done afterwards. Found myself talking to neurologists. I was asked to stay in the hospital to be observed for 24 hours. I was transferred to a room in the “Acute Neurosurgery” ward. I thought I shouldn’t be there.

Ward 81. 24 hours had passed. Some examinations and tests were done. I was still feeling a great amount of weakness and instability on my hips all the way down. I was still walking like a penguin. I was still finding it difficult to swallow. This time, I couldn’t get up easily from sitting on the toilet bowl anymore. Another 24 hours had passed. The doctors were still puzzled. They were considering some nerve or muscular illnesses. I had no other medications apart from paracetamol and ibuprofen. During the two nights that I was in the hospital, my 5-month-old baby was staying with me since I was still exclusively breastfeeding him. I still thought that perhaps it was all due to exhaustion and sleep deprivation.

Third day came. The doctor allowed me to stay at home overnight. I convinced them because my toddler was crying so hard on the phone. He wanted Mommy to be home. The doctors were understanding so we agreed that I’d stay home overnight but I had to come back to the ward the next day at eight in the morning. I thought I could make it so well at home overnight.

At home. I went to the loo. I tried to stand up on my own after. I couldn’t. Husband had to lift me up. I sat on our couch. I fed our baby. I couldn’t stand up afterwards. Husband had to lift me up. We went to bed. We managed through the night. I woke up with severe pain on my hips all the way down to my feet. I tried hard to sit up from lying down. I couldn’t. Husband lifted me up. I took a shower. I couldn’t shampoo my hair so well. My arms started to feel weak and heavy when lifted up. I couldn’t comb my hair too anymore. I began to feel really, really bad about my situation. I felt so incapable. I thought about starting to think about who could replace me as the wife and the mother in case things continue to get worse.

Back to hospital. Neurologists examined me again. I cried hard in front of them. They understood how I felt. A nerve conduction test was done. Another set of blood tests. Almost an hour long of brain, neck and spine MRI. Another day had passed. Doctors wouldn’t allow me to go home after learning about how I was at home. I thought that perhaps it’s really best for me to stay in the hospital.

Another night in the hospital. My baby was still with me. He got immunised that morning after they dropped me off to hospital. He got a bit warm during the day. He was fuzzy and very clingy during the night. I didn’t get to sleep so well. I thought perhaps husband was right about already transitioning our baby to formula.

A new day or so I thought. A different team of neurologists came and said that test results were all good. I was relieved yet still wondering what could be wrong. They examined me again.  They were puzzled. They had to make me stay in the hospital for another day or two. The situation was getting more and more difficult to handle — physically, psychologically and emotionally — for me, my husband and our little ones. I thought about just giving up and convince the doctors to just let me go home and be with our boys.

Breastfeeding no more. Husband and I decided to start giving formula to our baby. Husband courageously took both boys home. He had a very rough night. I had a sleepless night thinking about our family. I thought about several different options for our family’s future.

No discharge order. I was hoping all morning that I would be discharged during the day. Doctors didn’t want me to go home. I still had severe pains overnight. I still couldn’t sit up on my own from lying position. I still couldn’t stand up from sitting on any low-levelled seat. It was still difficult to swallow. I thought perhaps I was an alien that my condition couldn’t be diagnosed by the specialists.

Alone time. I was getting more emotional. I hated my situation because I couldn’t look after my family. I couldn’t even carry our boys. They couldn’t play normally as they usually opted to stay close to me. But then I asked my husband to just go home earlier during that day. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be with my boys. I wanted to be with my husband. It was our 3rd wedding anniversary. But what I wanted the most was for them to enjoy that beautiful day. It’s summer here and the weather was awesome. I thought they’d go home if I appeared to be so irritable and so did I then they went home.

Still a child. I felt I had to talk to someone who’s very close to me. I called Papa. I cried hard. I told him about my worries. I cried and cried until I felt somewhat relieved. I was OK after. I thought that I just had an explosion of emotions.

New team of neurologists. Another exhausting night for the family back home. Another painful night for me in the hospital. A new team of three neurologists came and examined me. I told them I was feeling stronger and that I’d love to be home soon. The senior doctor said it seemed like they wouldn’t allow to leave the hospital yet. That was the first time that a doctor appeared to be sure about what could’ve been happening to me. I thought that sounded like a sophisticated condition.

GBS. Guillain Barré Syndrome was the condition that the doctor explained to me. It was actually the impression of the first doctor who saw me in the emergency department. During the visit of the team the next day, the senior doctor said that he was very confident that it’s GBS. I couldn’t describe how I felt. I felt relieved that they finally had a diagnosis. I had billions of questions in my mind. I was so worried, most especially about my boys. I thought, “So what’s next?”

…