Tag Archives: joy

Let Them Be

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“I am SUPERMAN!!!”

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” -Nelson Mandela

“Nooooo!!!No suot (wear) that! Not that shirt! Not that pants!” screamed Mr. Two. “I want Superman lang (only),” he DECLARED.

There are mornings like this. Sometimes, it happens during mornings when everybody’s in a hurry. Yes, the struggle is real! (I ALSO WANT TO SCREAM “NOOOOO!!!”)

But then, what’s really wrong about a two-year-old wearing his Superman costume when he will just go to play in the childcare centre or at Playcentre? Nothing! Yes, nothing, right?! So why struggle?

“I am MAUI now!”
(Because he got “tattooed”…with stickers!)

Recently, he has become so OBSESSED with Moana. When he’s allowed to watch TV, he wants to watch Moana only. When we listen to music, it has to be the Moana soundtrack. And we have to listen to Moana soundtrack every single minute … every single day… and he dances his heart out every single time that he hears the songs. (Dancing is the cute part but listening to the same music over and over again? It makes me… “What can I say except you’re welcome? You’re welcome!” Arghhhhh…) Oh, one afternoon, he didn’t want to wear anything except his underpants because Maui is topless and then yesterday, he’s got himself “tattooed” (with stickers) because Maui has tattoos and HE IS MAUI, according to him!

So anything wrong with that? NOTHING!!! Because there is nothing wrong in letting the child believe that he can be whoever he wants to be.

Now I may be questioned: “So what if he gets so frustrated when he’d finally realise that he is neither Superman nor Maui?”

First, I am sure that he knows that he is neither Superman nor Maui because we call him by his real name and he responds to us.

Second, it is very, very natural for children and even for adults to get frustrated. Therefore, it is actually good for him to get frustrated when reality hits him. It becomes an opportunity for us to help him learn how to accept the fact, let go and move forward while he is still very young. Then while he realises that it is not all the time that he can be whoever he wants to be, he will still believe in himself.

Because he can try to become the person he wants to be. Because we believe that he can. Because we let him be!

He can be a mechanic!

He can be a firefighter! (He’s just having a break in the fire station. Look, he’s still wearing his fireman boots!)

He can mow the lawn!

He can be a photographer!

He can be a musician!

He can be an engineer or even a plumber!

He can be a chef!

I am a strong advocate of free play. They can get messy. They can get wet. They can explore. They can run around until they get tired. They can play with dolls as long as they are being good fathers or big brothers to the doll. They can play cooking.

Basically, I let my children do everything. I let them be.

Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, I give them freedom to do whatever they want to. However, I also have rules that they must strictly follow.

  • When it is eating time, it is eating time. They have to sit with us at the dining table. (This can be bent sometimes but should be followed most of the time.)
  • Eat what’s served on the table. Be thankful for the food whatever it is. They can decide on how much to eat though (only them can feel whether they’re hungry or full).
  • Bedtime starts between 7:30pm and 8pm. I can’t control how soon they fall asleep but they must stay on the bed…no standing up, no sitting, no jumping…nothing else but lie down!
  • Never hurt nor harm anyone.

I let them be because I want them to know that I trust them. I let them be but I let them face the consequences of their choices. I let them be and I celebrate with them when they achieve something from being who they have decided to be. I let them be because I know that it will help them develop a good amount of self-control and a good sense of full responsibility over their lives.

I love, trust and respect  them that’s why I let them be.

Child’s Play and Alphabet

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A child learns best when he’s free to learn in his own pace and in his own ways.

Mr. Two shaped my breast pump tube into this and he said, “Mommy, letter G! G for [his name]!”

Ask me how and where my Mr. Two first learnt about letters. He was almost 1.5 years old then. It was in a hotel in Manila. There was the “EXIT” sign on the lower part of the hallway wall. He traced each letter with his fingers while saying “Mommy?” or “Daddy?” as if he was asking us what it was. After only a couple of “trips” to that “EXIT” sign, he already knew that those four letters were E-X-I-T or T-I-X-E or I-T-X-E (yes, keep on reshuffling…it doesn’t matter).

I treated those “trips” to that sign as purely play but it turned out to be a learning opportunity for him.

As time went by, he would ask us the letters that he could see around. He’s now familiar with alphabet. He would usually name the letters that he’s seen…not always correct but he is most of the time.

Do I ask him to sit down and study or memorise the alphabet? No. Never. Is he a genius? I don’t think so.

How have I made him familiar with the alphabet? I let him be the child who plays and explores. I build up his curiosity. I take him out. We ride on a bus and train and ferry and I let him hold the tickets, which have letters and numbers printed on it. I give him the receipts from cafe or supermarket.

And of course, we sing the alphabet songs.

His fingers and the window with condensation are his pen and paper in the morning.

So in case you get frustrated because your four- or five-year-old child can’t tell you what letter it is that you are pointing at, play with him. Let him play. Let him explore. Go out. Find a stick or twig, use it as your pen and start writing the alphabet on the ground. Go to the beach and write the alphabet on the sand with your fingers or rocks.

Learning can be fun. Let learning happen naturally. Let your child learn how to learn. Let him have fun in learning. Let him play while learning. Let him learn through play. Let him be a child!

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

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“Somehow, you need to cling to your optimism. Always look for the silver lining. Always look for the best in people. Try to see things through the eyes of a child. See the wonder in the simplest things. Never stop dreaming. Believe anything is possible.”
Richie Sambora

 

I am not always an optimist. I have my dark days too. I get stuck in dark tunnels too. When I cry, I cry hard and I cry for a long time…quietly. I cry when the whole world is asleep…

So that when everybody wakes up the next morning, all they see on my face is a smile… the smile of victory. I smile because deep inside I know I have defeated the pessimist me. I smile because I have begun moving forward again towards the light at the end of the dark tunnel where I got stuck.

It has been over a month now when I felt like something stole the motherhood in me. But recently I have realised that motherhood has never been stolen away from me. Although I have not been able to do almost everything that I used to do as the mother of my children, the mother in me has always loved them so dearly.

They say GBS has no cure. I say these two boys are the cure that any medical experts haven’t discovered yet.

I have realised that I have still sacrificed a lot as their mother. Putting them in a childcare centre has been a huge sacrifice for me. It had never been part of my plans to put them under the care of other people. However, it has been what is best not only for them but also for me and their Daddy. My husband has somehow been able to work for a little more hours for two weeks now (still not full time since he needs to take me to doctor sometimes). And I have been able to focus more on my recovery — therapies and my most needed rest.

My very young boys happily enjoying their freedom to explore the world away from me and their Daddy

Moreover, the best thing that has ever happened these days is how my young boys have seemed to be able to show their resilience and adaptability during this tough time that our family has been facing. I have even received a lot of overwhelmingly high praises about them. Nowadays, the world has seemed to make me realise how blest I’ve been with very beautiful children.

Yes, my children have always been the positive motivating force since they came into my life. I remember I even told my neurologists while I was crying to them for several times: “I wouldn’t mind and I wouldn’t care if I stay like this for the rest of my life if I’m not a mom. I could even die anytime soon. But I am a mother, you have to know what’s really going on because I’m sure once you know it, you’ll be able to tell me what we have to do and I will do every single thing that I will be asked to do.”

So now, I have three or four therapy sessions a week and I have different  sets of exercises that I need to do several times a day. And I don’t mind doing them all because that’s the only way for me to get back to being the kind of mother that I used to be.

Yesterday, I was able to hold my baby upright for several minutes…while sitting, of course. ❤❤❤

These days, I’ve been able to play a little with my boys when they are home. I’ve been able to (partially) change their nappies and clothes sometimes. And yesterday, I was able to hold my baby upright while sitting for several minutes after my husband handed him over to me. It was such a blissful moment!

Indeed, every cloud has a silver lining… even the darkest one. Yes, even the darkest cloud has a silver lining.

Do You Have Complaints About Your Wife?

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If you are a husband who keeps on complaining about your wife because of any of the reasons below, I have something to tell you.

  • Wife sleeps at night right away because she got too tired looking after the kids and/or doing all the household chores all day.
  • Wife is too tired from work and only buys takeaway food for dinner.
  • Wife doesn’t clean the house because she’s been looking after your small children.
  • Wife doesn’t have energy at night because she also came from work.
  • Wife smells like garlic and onions because she cooked meals for the family.
  • Wife doesn’t meet your expectations.
  • Wife is not perfect.

Now this is what I want to tell you: STOP COMPLAINING! Moreso, STOP CHEATING ONLY BECAUSE YOUR WIFE ISN’T PERFECT!

I now have all the rights to say this to you because you are all lucky if you are the husbands of those kinds of wives that you are complaining about.

Because in all honesty, MY HUSBAND DOES EVERYTHING FOR ME AND OUR FAMILY for one month now.

He works to provide for us then he looks after me and our children then he does all the household chores. Believe it or not, he does!

He cooks all our meals every single day. He prepares our boys’ lunchboxes. He washes the dishes. He does grocery shopping for us. He washes our clothes. He hangs them to dry. He cleans the house. He drives for us. He takes me to the doctor. He takes me out for lunch or dinner. He attends Playcentre session with our son. He attends Playcentre meetings. He coordinates with our sons’ educators. He gives our baby a bath and showers our toddler every night. Etcetera… etcetera… etcetera!!!

And he cheerfully plays with our sons ❤❤❤

Does he complain? Yes, he sometimes complains that he is tired. Does he complain about me? NO!

So if you’re a husband and you complain so much about your wife just because she cannot do all the things that you expect her to do, you have no rights to complain about your wife! STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR WIFE!

Thirty-Five

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Thirty-five gems for my sons:

  1. There is indeed one Supreme Being — God, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit…for others, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha,… Different names perhaps… but there’s indeed one Supreme Being and He is our Father and He loves us.
  2. Have a strong faith in God for nothing is impossible with  Him.
  3. Respect other people’s choice of religion. Religion doesn’t define who’s good and who’s not.
  4. Fire is to Gold as Pressure is to Diamond as Adversity is to Man. One day, life will make you comprehend what this means.
  5. People matter over matters.
  6. Let your greatness be defined by your goodness and kindness to everyone and everything that breathes, not by wealth nor fame nor power.
  7. Marry only one woman. Then love only the woman whom you’d marry.
  8. Your father has been an excellent Daddy to both of you. That should be more than enough for your future children to also have a great Dad!
  9. We are not only beneficiaries of Mother Nature; we are created as stewards of all God’s creations.
  10. It is OK to rest sometimes. Be kind and gentle to yourselves.
  11. Expect that you will commit mistakes. Once you do…admit and correct them then avoid doing them again.
  12. Love your brother and be there for one another…all the time!
  13. Your Daddy and I have been doing our best to build a strong foundation for you. It will be up to you what and how you will build on it.
  14. The universe does not have a centre. This means you are not the centre of the universe.
  15. Keep your feet on the ground (figuratively). You can literally climb up a tree if you want to. But keep your feet on the ground (yes again, figuratively).
  16. You are unique. Based on the standards set by any society, you might either be better or less than the others…don’t bother too much about it. You are unique.
  17. You are and will always be special to me and to your Daddy. I hope that’s more than enough for your self-esteem.
  18. Everbody’s unique. Respect. It’s all about respect.
  19. You might want to be a doctor or engineer or farmer or builder or truck driver, etc.. Choose  to be any of those but please be a good man always.
  20. The best opportunity that life will present to you is the opportunity to help. Always grab it.
  21. At one point or another in your life, you will need help. Be humble and wise enough to ask for it.
  22. You have always been blessed and you will always be. Share your blessings. Pass them on.
  23. Your Daddy and I have been educating you since you’re very little. Therefore, you have no reason to act like uneducated. Being well-mannered and politeness are the keys.
  24. Find ways to explore the world without spending too much money.
  25. You might be able to afford a huge house. Don’t let it define you. It’s how you treat everyone who knocks on your door or who enters your house that will define you.
  26. Life can be unfair. So do your best to be fair to everyone.
  27. Life itself can be tough. So be gentle to yourself and to everyone.
  28. Pray. Don’t just recite prayers. Talk to God the way you talk to your best friend.
  29. Be yourself. But in the process of being yourself, never harm nor hurt anyone else.
  30. Live. Let live.
  31. When you have to, let go and let God.
  32. I trust you.
  33. I love you so much.
  34. Again, I love you.
  35. In case you’ve already forgotten, I LOVE YOU!