How It Is To Live And Raise A Family in New Zealand (2nd Part of Part 2: Our Family, A Team… Pregnancy and Birth)

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Disclaimer: As what I put on Part 1, everything that’s written here is based on our own family’s experiences and based on my perspective and preferences. This is the second of the series where I’ll write about how we live (or survive perhaps) as a family away from our families and relatives in the Philippines.

There’s a baby and it’s a boy!

When my first ever pregnancy test came back positive, I knew beforehand that it would come back positive. Two weeks before I took that test, I already felt that something different was happening inside my body. We did not tell anyone yet until it was confirmed by our GP (family doctor). My husband and I were very excited, of course! But we were also very nervous. Moreover, I was overwhelmed in both positive and negative ways because I was working on a project as a volunteer in a non-profit organisation where we were coming up with a tutoring program for the refugees and an ESL program specifically for Japanese migrants here. But as most mothers would surely agree with me, having a baby inside me gave me the most wonderful feeling ever. The second one was more of a surprise. We were in the Philippines when I felt that something was happening inside me. My husband and I did the test that turned out positive on the day before our flight back to NZ. We kept quiet until another test came back positive a week after we were back here in NZ.

In our experience here in NZ, as soon as the pregnancy test that we had at home turned out positive, we saw our GP to have it confirmed. Then our GP ordered me to undergo some blood tests and a scan (that’s how ultrasound is called here). Here is a bit of a guide about screening tests and scans that are being done here: Click here for the screening tests and scans info. Then I was prescribed to take folic acid, iodine and iron supplements.

My babies and I were under the care of our GP for most of the first trimester until I found a midwife. Finding a midwife here wasn’t easy based on my experience. My baby was due in June and winter starts in June here. When I rang almost five midwives, they were either “fully-booked” or going overseas for holiday (perhaps to somewhere warm). Yes, the lead maternity carer here is usually a midwife unless it is considered a high-risk pregnancy.

I had different Lead Maternity Carers (LMC) in my two pregnancies. The first one was in West Auckland and the second one was closer to our place. I loved the partner midwife of my first LMC. She was the one who helped my first-born to come out into this world. I would have asked her to become my LMC if she was still here in Auckland. I also loved my second LMC. She was very calm up to the extent of me imagining her as a great meditation guru.

My first pregnancy was difficult. I was experiencing nausea and all-day morning sickness almost in my entire pregnancy. I had some false alarms towards my due date as spots of blood would come out several times a couple of weeks before I gave birth. My second pregnancy was easier during the first half as I was even able to still go out and about with my first child and to still attend the workshops to finish some modules in the Playcentre course that I was completing at that time. It started to appear complicated when I had a bit of a fall down a ramp. I was admitted in the hospital for three days at my 28th week of pregnancy because a test indicating that the baby might come out early came back positive. They had to give me steroids to prepare the baby’s lungs in case he would have to come out prematurely. I had to come back to hospital almost twice a week for a month to be monitored. They had to do several anatomy scans during the last couple of months of my pregnancy to make sure that the baby was still growing and developing well inside. I was already being seen by obstetricians in the hospital then and they were coordinating with my midwife. Thankfully, both of my babies decided to stay inside me until their 38th week.

During my first pregnancy, my husband and I attended several nights of antenatal classes and I attended some sessions of pregnancy yoga on Saturdays. I only had the drive to do some walking during the last trimester of my first pregnancy but I managed to walk a lot during my second pregnancy.

OK, so how was my labour? And how did I give birth?

During my labour in the birthing suite, this was one of my positions next to standing on the floor.

My husband and I did not experience those “driving-fast-to-hospital-because-my-water-bag-broke” scenes in the movies. During my first pregnancy, I was in the hospital for two nights already before the big day because of the spots of blood that I had. The obstetrician was even considering to induce me. During my second pregnancy, my midwife asked me to go to hospital early in the morning on the day that I gave birth because it seemed like I was already in labour.

Both labours were indeed hard work, however, my boys did not let me suffer from labour pains for more than 6 hours. Moreover, they did not make me push as hard and long as the ones being portrayed in movies. Both came out through normal vaginal deliveries and I did not need any pain relief or epidural in both. There were no screaming inside the birthing suites as I also did not want anyone to be talking to me. I wanted complete silence! My first midwife made me stand for almost two hours while I was having those tremendous labour pains. She did not allow me to lie down or sit down. Gravity was indeed very helpful. Within 15 or 20 minutes after my water bag broke, our first-born came out. My second midwife had to pop my water bag as she believed that it would be helpful for my baby to go down quicker. I was lying down for most part during my active labour stage in the second one as I felt like I was already running out of strength and energy. I literally felt like I was dying soon at that time. Obviously, I did not! However, I did not have to actually push more than twice as my second son performed a great sprint when he was coming out. I am really, really thankful to my sons, to my midwives and to my husband who was present during the whole process (from making babies to taking care of them).

First of the most beautiful moments in my life…
Motherhood is a privilege and the greatest blessing from God.

During both of my pregnancies up to labour and birth of our sons, we did not have anyone to live with us as a support person. It was just me and my husband the whole time. We shared in household chores. My husband couldn’t even go to work sometimes because I wasn’t feeling so well or I needed him to accompany me to my check-up or to be with our first-born in the Playcentre. It was never easy for us but, as I wrote in my previous posts, being just us most of the time in those very challenging times has been wonderful. We continuously learn to hold on to each other and work together so that we can raise our family well.

There were times when we also asked for help and support from our families back in the Philippines and from the people who have been close to us here in NZ. We can say that we have had great support network here. It may not be the same as the ones whose families are just around the corner but the people whom we’ve had here are really great help to us. And we are forever grateful to them.

In both of my pregnancy, labour and birth experiences, I can say that we encountered big challenges. I had excruciating pains (who knows, my sons might have felt pains too). My husband had to deal with my mood swings and he has also had to adjust his lifestyle (i.e. no triathlons for three years now). However, in the midst of all the difficult years that we have had, I have no doubt that we are a family… that we are a team.

When the kuya met his baby brother

Side notes: We did not have to pay any of my antenatal check-ups with our GP and midwives. Blood tests and flu/whooping cough vaccines were free when I was pregnant. Antenatal classes were free. We never even had to pay the hospitals when I gave birth. We had to pay for scans and pregnancy yoga classes, anyway. (OK, my husband and I have permanent resident visa here. I’m not sure how it is for those with work visa.)

***Next part will be about how it is to have babies here in New Zealand.***

How It Is To Live And Raise A Family in New Zealand (1st Part of Part 2: Our Family, A Team…The Beginning)

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Disclaimer: As what I put on Part 1, Everything that’s written here is based on our own family’s experiences and based on my perspective and preferences. This is the  first of the series where I’ll write about how we live (or survive perhaps) as a family away from our families and relatives in the Philippines.

The bridal car that our friend decorated

My husband and I got married here. We did 90% of our wedding preparations. We coordinated with the church where we wanted to get married. We searched together for the venue where we wanted to have our reception. We made our own invitations. We bought my gown and his suit together. I personalised the wedding ceremony that was shared to us by our priest/celebrant. My husband prepared the playlist of all the songs for both the ceremony and reception. One day before our wedding, we were travelling around Auckland to purchase all the flowers that were arranged free of charge by a very kind family friend. On that same day, we picked up the bridal car that we rented. Then I went to the house of my aunt-in-law where I slept that night.

My lovely bridal bouquet that was superbly arranged by our long-time close family friend

Wedding Day. I woke up early in the morning. Yes, I was able to sleep well because I got exhausted from everything that we had to do in the past weeks or perhaps months. I had breakfast, prepared all that I needed, took a bath and had lunch. Then I started to style my hair and to do my own make-up. Yes, I didn’t have a hairstylist and/or a make-up artist but I had my matron-of-honour and a bridesmaid who assisted me. My cousin-in-law put the nail polish on me the night before. I put my gown and veil on. One and a half hour before the wedding, I was all set and ready to go to the church. I loved how all my preparations that day all went. I was relaxed because I was able to do everything my way — particularly my hair and make-up!

The church aisle where I walked down on my own

***All photos posted here were taken by a friend photographer. She and her partner gifted us with their time, effort and energy to become our wedding photographer and videographer.***

One of our godfathers drove me to the church. I didn’t have my family or any relatives here even during our wedding. I walked down the aisle on my own. However, I was still fortunate enough to have a close family friend living here for nearly a decade to wait for me at the front and to hand me over to my groom at the altar. The wedding ceremony went on as we wished — simple and solemn with some laughters.

It actually takes three to tango when it comes to marriage — husband, wife and God.

It was a beautiful summer day in this country where my husband and I have chosen to build our own family.

Our reception was simple yet elegant as planned. It was in a marquee installed outside a restaurant that served our food. We all enjoyed our individual pre-ordered three-course meals. Yes, we asked our guests to inform us about their choice of the set of meal when they RSVP’d because we limited our number of guests to 50 for financial reason of course. Then we had a simple programme — cutting of the wedding cake, first dance as husband and wife, throwing of bouquet and garter, a song performance by a friend, and a couple of speeches.  Two of our friends volunteered themselves to become the emcees.

Our beautiful wedding cake that was baked and gifted to us by our godmother

I decided to write about our wedding as part of the blog series that I have been striving to complete because, through our wedding, my husband and I were able to practice one very important trait of New Zealanders — that is their “do-it-yourself” attitude. And through our wedding, we felt and witnessed another very wonderful attitude of the people here in New Zealand — that is helping one another without expecting for any return. Last and most importantly, our wedding was an undoubtedly great event in our lives here in New Zealand not only because it was our wedding but because, through our wedding, my husband and I truly worked as a team — a team that is still being strengthened through life’s trials and challenges.

Since day 1, my husband and I have been working hand in hand as a team.

Yes, We are husband and wife… We are a family… We are a team. And teamwork has indeed helped us to survive in our very challenging life away from our families and relatives back in the Philippines.

How It Is To Live and Raise A Family in New Zealand (Part 1: The Economics)

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Disclaimer: Everything that’s written here is based on our own family’s experiences and based on my perspective and preferences. This is just the first part and this post is more about the financial aspect.

South Island, New Zealand (2014)

First, let me give you a background of how and why we came here.

It was in 2011 when my then-boyfriend told me he wanted to come here in New Zealand to see whether or not he would love to live and work here. With my do-what-you-want-and-what-you-think-is-right-for-you attitude, I simply agreed. Because we’re after what’s practical, he came here first while I continue with my life and work back in the Philippines. He came here in early 2012 with a visa that did not restrict him from applying for a job and he was fortunate enough to find one. Fast forward to mid-2013, I came here trusting his judgment that NZ is a great place to live and build a family. Fast forward a little bit more to January 2014, I got pregnant and we got married. And now we have two boys already with two years and a month age gap.

So how’s our life now here in New Zealand?

Three words: HARD YET BEAUTIFUL.

I can’t give you separate reasons for why it is hard and why it is beautiful because hard and beautiful seem to be inseparable to describe our life here. Hardships lead us to life’s beauty. For every beautiful aspirations that we have, we need to go through hardships.

This is what I would honestly say to anyone considering to migrate here in NZ:

If your main goal is to become wealthy, I doubt that you can achieve it here unless you are single and not planning to start a family anytime soon. If your main concern is your family with you being the best provider of material things, you come alone and work here then let your family stay in the Philippines. If your main goal is to provide a better environment to your family and better education to your children without having to pay hundred thousands of pesos a year for the tuition, come here BUT… be ready to live in the simplest and most practical way as possible.

Financially speaking, it is hard to survive here. Most Filipino couples here that we know are both working. In our case, my husband has been the sole provider and I am a stay-at-home mom. At first, it was by choice because we never want to put our young children (3 years old and 1 year old) in childcare centre and none of our parents would stay here to look after our children full-time. Now it is hard for me at the moment to work even if I want to and even if we need to since I got sick this year.

Putting our children for full time in a childcare centre will cost us at least $400 (around 14k pesos) per week. If my child gets sick while he’s under their care, I would have to take a leave from work to pick him up from the centre while still paying the full amount.

Renting a decent 2-bedroom house here in Auckland would usually cost at least $400 per week (if you’re lucky like us). That’s around 60k pesos per month excluding the utilities (electricity, water, phone, internet). Our weekly groceries would usually range between $150 to $200 (5k to 7k pesos). As much as my judgment is concerned, we are already being thrifty while minding our family’s, particularly our children’s, health and well-being. Food is really expensive here but both me and my husband were raised in households where food and nutrition should never be sacrificed.

Do we still go for shopping? Yes, to purchase our children’s needs. For me and my husband? Rarely. Most of my clothes are either from the Philippines (the ones I brought here back in 2013 and the ones that were given to me by my mom-in-law and sister) or hand-me-down clothes from my husband’s aunt. I haven’t even bought any cosmetics in the last 3 years. Shoes? One in a year and I go for bargains…up to $20 (700 pesos). Bag? Yes, a nappy bag that we have been using for 3 years already. My engagement ring doesn’t have diamond or any stone and our marriage rings are from Philippines. And my phone is still an iphone5s.

Going out and about, we go for bus and train, especially if we’re going to CBD, since the parking fees are tremendously awful. We occasionally ride in a taxi or even the likes of uber.

We rarely eat in restaurants now. We would pack our lunch as much as possible whenever we go out. If we’re not able to, we either buy from takeaways or you can find us in a foodcourt.

You might say, “I’m sure the salaries/wages there are high.” No! It might sound big if you convert it to pesos but go back to the above-mentioned expenses then think if the net salary here is really high.  Plus we need to pay really huge amount of tax.

Sounds hard? Yes, it is hard. So why are we still here? It is our decision. It is mainly for our children.

I gave birth to my two boys free of charge. The only prenatal service that we had to pay were the ultrasounds. The healthcare providers even come to our house for postnatal check-ups and for the regular check-ups of our children since they know that I can’t drive. Immunisations are free. They are being checked and treated by our GP (family doctor) for free and that’s until they’re 12 years old. We don’t even have to pay for our admissions to the hospital. Their dental treatments are free until they’re 18. Schools here are not as expensive as the private schools there in the Philippines.

If we want to take them to museum, it’s free. If we want to go to the beach, we can go anytime for as long as our car has enough petrol or we have extra for bus fares. We don’t have to pay for the beach resort entrance. All beaches are open for public for free. Playgrounds and parks are open for public and they’re free of charge. We were able to feed the lambs for free. Almost every suburb has a public library from where we can borrow several books at a time for a month all free of charge.

Considering all of these, we may not have all the material things that other migrant workers or OFW can purchase but we are sure that our children have the opportunities to gain knowledge and wonderful experiences from going to museum, parks and beaches, and from being able to read several different books in their lifetime even if our family is low on budget. And that is what’s most important to us.

In the next part, I will talk about how we are coping as a family while living away from our families and relatives back in the Philippines.

My “Why’s” As A Mother

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These are just my questions. I’m not complaining. And I know the answers on some of these questions based on several studies but I still just want to ask. Again, I’m not complaining. I’m just asking.

• Why can’t men get pregnant too?

• Why is it that women are the ones who get pregnant and give birth then we are still the ones to breastfeed our babies?

• Why do we (my husband and I) still have to take turns in changing our babies’ nappies despite the fact that I am already the one who got pregnant, gave birth and breastfed our kids?

• Why do babies wake up in the middle of the night?

• Why do babies love to wee the moment we take off their nappies? Imagine how it is if you’re changing the nappy of a baby boy?

• Why do babies poop as soon as we put a new nappy on?

• Why do kids wake up the very moment I lie down and close my eyes after considering doing that for ages already?

• Why do kids have to follow me to toilet when it would have been the only alone time that I could have in most 24 hours a day in my life?

• Why does our toilet still have a door if my kids would never allow me to close it?

• Why do I prepare a hot breakfast drink while I would only have the chance to drink it after two hours?

• Why can’t our laundry baskets get empty or at least get half full anymore no matter how often I wash our clothes?

• Why would my kids ask me to do something very important to them like fixing a toy that they would play with for only a minute every single time that I would start doing something that I have planned for several months already? Yes, like deep cleaning a room! Not  really important, eh?!

• Why do kids love to drop their food and spoon or fork on the floor?

• Why do I still love my children so much despite all the why’s that I have — both written here and those in my mind that I can’t put into words?

***Perhaps there’s going to be a Part 2 of this.***

Our Spirit of Battle Turns 1

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Our “spirit of battle” was born on 28 July 2016 at 2:07pm.

Today, 28 July 2017, marks the 1st birthday of our “Spirit of Battle”. Yes, that’s the meaning of his name and he truly deserves it because it feels like he has already won several battles in life.

It was a day before we left Philippines when we visited there in late 2015 when my husband and I found out that I was carrying our second child. We didn’t tell anyone yet during that time as it was still too early and we wanted it to be confirmed by our GP here. It was unexpected. It was unplanned. But it’s true that best things and greatest blessings come unexpectedly.

While he was still in my tummy, we so fondly called him G2 since our firstborn’s name starts with letter G. We were supposed to name him Xavier but a day before he was born I discovered his name when I tried to find a variation of the word cadence, which means harmony. Indeed, Caden was meant to be his name.

Three months before he was born, the doctors found out that there’s a possibility of him coming out prematurely after I fell over. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days back then because I needed to be injected with steroids that could help his lungs cope well in case he’d come out that early. And within the whole last trimester of my pregnancy, we had to be closely monitored by a maternity team because he seemed to be not growing well inside my womb and the blood flow in his brain seemed to be not enough. Thankfully, he stayed inside my womb for until almost 39 weeks.

Although it was a natural birth and without epidural, it was a more difficult labour and birth. I almost asked my midwife to cut my tummy a few hours before he came out because it felt like I was going to have an asthma attack. I asked for the gas instead. Then it felt like the precious little one fought with me and just pushed himself out and made it easier for me.

Our very precious blessing has always been a resilient fighter. ❤️❤️❤️

When he came out, he cried very quietly and only for a short time. He was able to latch on so easily as if he really knew what to do to be able to drink milk. But then, his temperature and his blood sugar level were very low so he was put in an incubator for four hours. Afterwards, we were good to go to the birthcare. It was a very bad timing to transfer from hospital to birthcare because it’s winter and his temperature should not go low again and, worse, it was rush hour and the traffic was awful but we needed to be in the birthcare within thirty minutes because he had to be monitored again.

He’s been a quiet, happy and contented baby most of the time.

Then weeks and months went by. We were successful in breastfeeding. He had a great daily routine that enabled me to still spend time with his kuya and to do other house chores. I was able to come back to Playcentre after 3 months and he was coming with us too. He enjoyed his first Christmas and New Year.

But after he turned 5 months old, he had to experience heaps of changes and adjustments because I got so ill. He stayed with me in the hospital for four days because I was still breastfeeding him but we had to abruptly stop it and to start him with formula exclusively. Surely, he also felt the stress and worries that our family had undergone during the following months. He even had to stay in another house then in a childcare centre during the day for several months because I couldn’t look after him and my husband would have to work of course.

Within those months, it felt like I missed many of his firsts. One day, I just realised that he was already crawling then sitting up. Time went by faster and he began standing up then toddling and now walking. He’s already got his own ways of communicating with us. He loves music. He likes dancing and bouncing up and down. And we love his smiles. Oh, we love him so dearly!

Despite all the challenges, here he is now — still happy and thriving so well– a very active boy growing up into a determined and resilient man.

And today, he turns 1! ❤️❤️❤️