Tag Archives: trials

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

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“Somehow, you need to cling to your optimism. Always look for the silver lining. Always look for the best in people. Try to see things through the eyes of a child. See the wonder in the simplest things. Never stop dreaming. Believe anything is possible.”
Richie Sambora

 

I am not always an optimist. I have my dark days too. I get stuck in dark tunnels too. When I cry, I cry hard and I cry for a long time…quietly. I cry when the whole world is asleep…

So that when everybody wakes up the next morning, all they see on my face is a smile… the smile of victory. I smile because deep inside I know I have defeated the pessimist me. I smile because I have begun moving forward again towards the light at the end of the dark tunnel where I got stuck.

It has been over a month now when I felt like something stole the motherhood in me. But recently I have realised that motherhood has never been stolen away from me. Although I have not been able to do almost everything that I used to do as the mother of my children, the mother in me has always loved them so dearly.

They say GBS has no cure. I say these two boys are the cure that any medical experts haven’t discovered yet.

I have realised that I have still sacrificed a lot as their mother. Putting them in a childcare centre has been a huge sacrifice for me. It had never been part of my plans to put them under the care of other people. However, it has been what is best not only for them but also for me and their Daddy. My husband has somehow been able to work for a little more hours for two weeks now (still not full time since he needs to take me to doctor sometimes). And I have been able to focus more on my recovery — therapies and my most needed rest.

My very young boys happily enjoying their freedom to explore the world away from me and their Daddy

Moreover, the best thing that has ever happened these days is how my young boys have seemed to be able to show their resilience and adaptability during this tough time that our family has been facing. I have even received a lot of overwhelmingly high praises about them. Nowadays, the world has seemed to make me realise how blest I’ve been with very beautiful children.

Yes, my children have always been the positive motivating force since they came into my life. I remember I even told my neurologists while I was crying to them for several times: “I wouldn’t mind and I wouldn’t care if I stay like this for the rest of my life if I’m not a mom. I could even die anytime soon. But I am a mother, you have to know what’s really going on because I’m sure once you know it, you’ll be able to tell me what we have to do and I will do every single thing that I will be asked to do.”

So now, I have three or four therapy sessions a week and I have different  sets of exercises that I need to do several times a day. And I don’t mind doing them all because that’s the only way for me to get back to being the kind of mother that I used to be.

Yesterday, I was able to hold my baby upright for several minutes…while sitting, of course. ❤❤❤

These days, I’ve been able to play a little with my boys when they are home. I’ve been able to (partially) change their nappies and clothes sometimes. And yesterday, I was able to hold my baby upright while sitting for several minutes after my husband handed him over to me. It was such a blissful moment!

Indeed, every cloud has a silver lining… even the darkest one. Yes, even the darkest cloud has a silver lining.

An Opportunity To Help

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32-year-old mom in the Philippines who got paralysed for FOUR years now

I am writing this blog with hope that this can find a way to help another mom who has been suffering with somewhat similar illness like mine for four years now. She’s now 32 years old with one daughter who’s almost 7 years old now. I met her only last night when she sent a message to me after reading my blog. She’s the wife of a grade school classmate of mine.

Screenshots of her messages telling me what happened to her

Her suffering started before dawn on 2nd of March 2013. She said that it all started with severe pain on the left part of her back and she couldn’t breathe easily. They waited for sunrise before they dropped their then 2-year-and-8-month-old daughter to their mom’s house on their way to hospital. While she was preparing, her left arm got numb. As they approached the hospital, she felt that she was losing her balance and when it was time to hop off from the jeepney, she couldn’t lift herself up anymore so her husband had to carry her already.

They spent the whole day in the emergency waiting for an available room. When she was finally in the room that night, she reached  the point of full paralysis. It was only her head that she could move. She was in the hospital for two weeks where several tests were done and every test result was normal. The doctor told her that what she got was “transverse myelitis”. (I don’t know what it is but by the sound of myelitis, it could be an inflammation of the myelin sheath…oh, I’m not a doctor!) She was told that there’s NO cure and therapies should be done so she can possibly recover.

Apparently, they have been financially incapable of paying for the therapies since her husband had to leave work as he’s the one looking after her. Her husband needs to carry her until now as she is still not able to stand up.

What a heartbreaking story!

I hate to say this but her story has made me feel how lucky I still have been despite my current condition. I feel sorry for her that her condition was that severe. I feel sorry for her because she lives in a place where medical benefits are not as good and enough as I’ve been receiving here. I believe that if only she was able to continue undergoing the necessary therapies, she might’ve recovered — if not fully, at least she might’ve been able to stand up or even walk.

If you’re reading this and if you think of any possible way that we could help her, please comment below. She said that her illness has made her and her family’s world to crumble down. So if there’s any way that we could be of help, let us help to rebuild their world.

With her very caring and loving husband who was my classmate in grade school

To you, my new friend, please hang in there and know that you’re not alone. Sending my prayers to you… and let us both hope for the best!

This Thing I Call The Alternative Motherhood

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Me and my 6-month-old love ❤❤❤

Motherhood itself can already bring heaps of different kinds and levels of struggles. Being physically weak because of my health condition now has brought me to a whole new level of motherhood — both positively and negatively.

Sometimes, I feel like I am completely useless. Many a time, I feel so helpless. Most of the time, I feel guilty not only because I can’t be of any help but because my moods have become so terrible and my patience is all gone.

But then I realised that I need to find alternative ways so that I can still do the things that I used to do for my two very young boys.

Recently, I discovered that I can still let them sit on my tummy while I’m lying down so I can play with them.

How I play with my two loves ❤❤❤

Sometimes, doing crazy and funny things with them can make all of us happy. Yes, I don’t need to use physical strength all the time to have fun with them.

Me and my 2.5-year-old love ❤❤❤

And it’s been two days now since I’ve been able to comfort our teething baby and to put him to sleep by simply touching and massaging him while we lie down on our bed.

The things that I do now as a mother are not the same things that I had normally done before I got this weak. The things that I do now are the things that I can do with the daily new normal me. And this is what I call an alternative motherhood.

This Too Shall Pass

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What a beautiful sky that we had this afternoon!

 

Look at that beautiful sky! Who would’ve thought that the weather was so harsh in the last couple of days?

I believe that all our hardships and troubles will also end in no time. And everything in our lives will turn out as wonderful as this beautiful sky that amazed us today.

After all, there’s still so much to be thankful for. As I look into my heart, I’m sure that the God who loves me is just there working on all the great things that He has planned for us. And as I look around, there are too many people who love and care for me and my family.

I’m thankful that I’m here when I was diagnosed with GBS. The doctors and nurses in the hospital were excellent. The community health services have been making things easy for me. Since last week, a nurse coordinator, an occupational therapist and a social worker have already come to our house and looked into what I need in order to recover. The physiotherapist is coming on Thursday. The Plunket nurse who’s assigned to our boys have referred us to some agencies that can help us in some ways to make things a little easier for us.

I’m thankful to our families, relatives and friends who have always been offering and giving some help and support to us. Without them, our lives would’ve been too chaotic every single day.

I’m thankful to my husband’s employer who has allowed him to work from home although it is still one hell of a challenge for him. Because of my condition, it has been my husband who’s doing almost everything at home now plus he needs to assist me from time to time. So he’s only able to focus on his work from ten in the evening and he usually goes to sleep at around three in the morning. Then he needs to wake up when our baby wakes up at around six or seven in the morning.

There have been days when my husband and I don’t know anymore how we’re going to survive — physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Our family has not been receiving the usual income that we used to have for almost a month now. We even considered just going back to Philippines but it’s not the best solution or it might even be the worst decision to make at the moment. We have been seriously considering to make a page in a crowdfunding site like give-a-little so we can at least put our boys in the childcare centre where we are most comfortable with so that my husband can work full time.

Our life now has been really hard but there’s nothing else we can do but to keep hoping that it will get better soon. Yes, just like all the other trials in the past, this too shall pass! God is with us.