Tag Archives: love

Thirty-Five

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Thirty-five gems for my sons:

  1. There is indeed one Supreme Being — God, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit…for others, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha,… Different names perhaps… but there’s indeed one Supreme Being and He is our Father and He loves us.
  2. Have a strong faith in God for nothing is impossible with  Him.
  3. Respect other people’s choice of religion. Religion doesn’t define who’s good and who’s not.
  4. Fire is to Gold as Pressure is to Diamond as Adversity is to Man. One day, life will make you comprehend what this means.
  5. People matter over matters.
  6. Let your greatness be defined by your goodness and kindness to everyone and everything that breathes, not by wealth nor fame nor power.
  7. Marry only one woman. Then love only the woman whom you’d marry.
  8. Your father has been an excellent Daddy to both of you. That should be more than enough for your future children to also have a great Dad!
  9. We are not only beneficiaries of Mother Nature; we are created as stewards of all God’s creations.
  10. It is OK to rest sometimes. Be kind and gentle to yourselves.
  11. Expect that you will commit mistakes. Once you do…admit and correct them then avoid doing them again.
  12. Love your brother and be there for one another…all the time!
  13. Your Daddy and I have been doing our best to build a strong foundation for you. It will be up to you what and how you will build on it.
  14. The universe does not have a centre. This means you are not the centre of the universe.
  15. Keep your feet on the ground (figuratively). You can literally climb up a tree if you want to. But keep your feet on the ground (yes again, figuratively).
  16. You are unique. Based on the standards set by any society, you might either be better or less than the others…don’t bother too much about it. You are unique.
  17. You are and will always be special to me and to your Daddy. I hope that’s more than enough for your self-esteem.
  18. Everbody’s unique. Respect. It’s all about respect.
  19. You might want to be a doctor or engineer or farmer or builder or truck driver, etc.. Choose  to be any of those but please be a good man always.
  20. The best opportunity that life will present to you is the opportunity to help. Always grab it.
  21. At one point or another in your life, you will need help. Be humble and wise enough to ask for it.
  22. You have always been blessed and you will always be. Share your blessings. Pass them on.
  23. Your Daddy and I have been educating you since you’re very little. Therefore, you have no reason to act like uneducated. Being well-mannered and politeness are the keys.
  24. Find ways to explore the world without spending too much money.
  25. You might be able to afford a huge house. Don’t let it define you. It’s how you treat everyone who knocks on your door or who enters your house that will define you.
  26. Life can be unfair. So do your best to be fair to everyone.
  27. Life itself can be tough. So be gentle to yourself and to everyone.
  28. Pray. Don’t just recite prayers. Talk to God the way you talk to your best friend.
  29. Be yourself. But in the process of being yourself, never harm nor hurt anyone else.
  30. Live. Let live.
  31. When you have to, let go and let God.
  32. I trust you.
  33. I love you so much.
  34. Again, I love you.
  35. In case you’ve already forgotten, I LOVE YOU!

This Thing I Call The Alternative Motherhood

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Me and my 6-month-old love ❤❤❤

Motherhood itself can already bring heaps of different kinds and levels of struggles. Being physically weak because of my health condition now has brought me to a whole new level of motherhood — both positively and negatively.

Sometimes, I feel like I am completely useless. Many a time, I feel so helpless. Most of the time, I feel guilty not only because I can’t be of any help but because my moods have become so terrible and my patience is all gone.

But then I realised that I need to find alternative ways so that I can still do the things that I used to do for my two very young boys.

Recently, I discovered that I can still let them sit on my tummy while I’m lying down so I can play with them.

How I play with my two loves ❤❤❤

Sometimes, doing crazy and funny things with them can make all of us happy. Yes, I don’t need to use physical strength all the time to have fun with them.

Me and my 2.5-year-old love ❤❤❤

And it’s been two days now since I’ve been able to comfort our teething baby and to put him to sleep by simply touching and massaging him while we lie down on our bed.

The things that I do now as a mother are not the same things that I had normally done before I got this weak. The things that I do now are the things that I can do with the daily new normal me. And this is what I call an alternative motherhood.

Sorry. Thank you. I love you.

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Sorry. Never in my life have I ever wanted to put you in a situation like we are in right now. I’ve always imagined us simply focusing on the necessary things what we have to do — you, enjoying your work and spending happy moments with our boys once you’re home from work, while me looking after our boys and keeping things organised for us. Sorry if you have to do literally everything for our family now.

 

Thank you. Thank you for doing everything for us. Thank you for sticking with me despite all the chaos that we’ve gotten ourselves into. Thank you for always putting me and our family on your topmost priority. Thank you for all your sacrifices. I hope you know I’ll do the same for you. Thank you for your love.

 

I love you. No matter what happens, I love you. During the first few days that I was in the hospital and doctors were considering all the serious illnesses  that they could associate to my worsening condition then, I was already thinking of who can replace me as your wife and as our boys’ mother. I told myself that, if the doctors would tell me that there’s a possibility of me being paralysed or dead soon, I would call someone I know and would ask her to look after you and our boys. That thought had hurt me but that would give me peace of mind and peace in my heart that eveything in your and our boys’ lives would return to normal eventually and that someone would be looking after the three of you. You and our boys are God’s most precious gifts to me; therefore, I would never leave you without the best replacement for me that there could ever be. I love you so much that I could understand if one day you would opt to have an easier life with someone so much better than me. I would never hate you for that. Although it’s still far from happening, there’s only one thing that I want you to consider: find someone who will be nice to me because I want all of us to live in peace and I would love to see her looking after our boys as if she’s also their good mother. However, once I’m completely recovered, consider my last four statements to be null and void because I love you and I would never pass you on to anyone else just like that. Until my final breath, we are married and I love you.

I Wish You Came Into My Life 15 Years Ago

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I was born when your grandma was only 22 years old. She was working then. I can still remember I had Yaya Two and Yaya Uding (well, she’s actually my beloved late Tita Uding). Most likely, I had Yaya One since I had Yaya Two. As I grew up, I had to live with your great grandma and your Mama Beth and Lola Nini (my aunts) because Lola Weng was working. Eventually, your grandma had to stop working despite having a grand promotion at hand because your grandpa wanted her to become a housewife to look after me, your uncle and aunt.

Because of that, I promised myself not to get pregnant until I achieved all my career goals and until I got tired of hanging out with my friends. And I succeeded. I didn’t get pregnant until I was 32 with my boyfriend then for 8 years who has been my husband and now your Daddy.

But now that I’ve been this sick and weak, I wish I had you 15 years ago. By now, I would’ve already taken you to several different places and countries. I would’ve seen you join and even win in different competitions. I would’ve watched you join in championships in different sports. I would’ve watched you in musical or dance recitals or even in stage plays. I would’ve now been looking at your framed certificates of appreciation for being such good friends to your classmates. I would’ve heard too many praises from your friends’ parents. And I would’ve even been called by the school principal because, yeah, you were involved in a fight!

But it would’ve been totally different if you came into my life 15 years ago. I might have been a totally different person then. I might have been a completely different mother. I might have not made the choices that I’ve made now as your Mommy. I might’ve been a working mom. And you might’ve been spending most of your preschool days with different people because I was in the office climbing a corporate ladder.

And you might’ve been not the kinds of boys that you are now and I wouldn’t like it. I love exactly what and how you have been. So, I’m glad you came when I was already excited about having kids of my own. I’m happy that you came when I was already prepared to sacrifice everything for you. And I’m thankful to God for his perfect timing. Because you came into my life in the most beautiful way!

I love you both so dearly! And thank you for coming into my life in God’s perfect time.

My 2.5-Year-Old Son Made Me Cry Tonight

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If you have managed to read my very long first post here, you already know that I have Guillain Barré Syndrome.

GBS has made it hard for me to stand up from low-levelled seats. It has made it hard for me to sit up from lying position. It has made it difficult for me to swallow. It has made it difficult for me to shampoo and comb my hair.

Worst is that it has made me so incapable to lift and carry my two sons. It has made it impossible for me to play with my sons the way I used to.

Yes, GBS has made me feel so USELESS!

Who would want to be in the same situation that I’m in nowadays? Who wouldn’t feel sad? Who wouldn’t feel bad? Who wouldn’t wish to just die?

But each time that I see my very young boys, I can’t help but pray for a miracle. I pray that, in just a blink of my eyes, I am back to my normal self. I pray that, as I take my very next breath, I am strong enough to lift and carry my baby. I pray that, within a millisecond, I can dance, jump and run again with my toddler. I pray that all of these have just been parts of a bad dream and that, as soon as I wake up, I’ll feel that I have never experienced the wrath of GBS.

I know how and how much my sons have been affected by what has happened to me. My 5-month-old baby was crying earlier and my husband had a hard time to make him stop crying. We could hear our baby say “Mom-my! Mom! Mom-my!” Being able to hear my baby call “Mommy” now would have been a song to my ears. But how could it sound like a beautiful song to my ears if he’s saying that while he’s crying yet I couldn’t do anything? It became a torture to my heart!

And my toddler was making different sorts of requests that I could have done and given should I have not been suffering from GBS. This whole experience has stolen motherhood from me!

So tonight as I put my toddler to sleep, I whispered to him, “Sorry, Mommy got sick. I know it’s been hard for you.”

“Don’t worry, Mommy. I love you!”

He said. Then he touched the back of my neck and pulled me towards him and hugged me so tight. All I could say was “thank you” and I started to cry so hard. With that he replied before kissing me on my forehead,

“It’s OK, Mommy. Don’t worry, be happy. Gabrian here. I love you.”

 

I then realised that I must have done something really good in my life.