Tag Archives: decisions

The Garage

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When our Mr. Three woke up from his afternoon nap last Saturday, he said:

“Mommy, I slept well. Let’s go to toys. I’ll buy the garage.”

I just woke up too and my brain wasn’t functioning well yet at that time. I tried hard to comprehend what he was saying because neither my husband nor I mentioned that we’re going to a toy store that day.

Then I remembered that almost a month ago, the day before his birthday, we went to “his toys store” and he saw a really huge toy garage. I knew he liked it but I was glad that he was OK when I told him that we wouldn’t buy that.

The toy garage that Mr. Three wants to buy

I told him, “We can go to toy store now but we can’t buy the garage because it’s too expensive and we don’t have enough money to buy that.”

He said, “I have money. It’s in my yellow elephant, Mommy. We can get my coins and go to the toys store and buy the garage!”

I replied to him, “I’m not sure if that’s enough for you to be able to buy the garage. We can get the coins from your yellow elephant and see if it’s enough. We need $200 (the regular price; it’s now discounted for 50%) to buy that garage. If there’s $200 or more, we can buy the garage. But it looks like you’ve only had $10. How about we save more coins and when you have $200 in your elephant we can buy your garage?”

Mr. Three’s yellow elephant

He started to cry. It was the first time that he cried like that over a toy. It broke my heart. I could feel how much he liked that toy garage. I wanted to give in.

But then, I did not. It was not all about the money after all. It was about helping our young boy to learn some important lessons in life.

1. He needs to learn the difference between needs and wants. We do our best to provide our children everything that they need but we don’t give them everything that they want.

2. He needs to learn to “work” to get what he wants. This time it’s just saving the coins that I give him to put into his yellow elephant from time to time. I don’t regularly give him coins. Those coins are just the change from my allowance when we go out. He doesn’t really have his own allowance yet and we don’t give him coins as a reward. We don’t actually give them any rewards for their good deeds because they have to do good deeds without expecting any reward.

3. He needs to learn to have patience and self-control. This time, he and his Daddy agreed that they’ll wait until Christmas before he can buy that garage. So he still has 5 months to save for that garage. I had to wait for two years before I had the piano/keyboard that I was dreaming to have since I was in 4th grade. I received my piano as a graduation gift and it was only because I met the “requirement” that Papa and Lola set for me to achieve in grade school. Yes, it took TWO long years!

4. He needs to know that we are not supposed to spend that much for something that he only wants just like that. So he needs to “work” and be patient to have that. Even if we have enough money to buy such, I wouldn’t easily spend that much for something that he doesn’t really need. And honestly, we are not in the position to spend that much for a toy. The most expensive toy that we have bought for him was his balance bike, which was only $50 because that was a secondhand bike.

5. He can use his creativity and imagination while playing instead of having an instant toy like that. I remember how much I wanted to have a Barbie house. I never had the pink house with a “Barbie” mark but, as I grew older, I managed to make different houses for my Barbie dolls out of Lego or boxes. I never felt deprived; instead, I felt happy and proud each time that I made a house for my Barbie dolls.

 

As much as I want to give my sons everything, I know my husband and I don’t have to actually give them every material thing that they want. We provide what they need but not everything that they want. We don’t deprive them but we don’t want them to grow up believing that they’re entitled to get everything that they want. As I admitted earlier, it broke my heart when I refused to give him what he wanted but I know it will break my heart more if he grows up not being able to learn the important lessons in life.

For now, the toy garage is an item that has been added to our family agenda’s parking lot.

A Great Village To Raise Children

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It was 2nd of February in 2015 when we came to Hillsborough Playcentre for our first visit. That was my 33rd birthday. My firstborn was about to turn 8 months old then.

Photos during our first visit at Hillsborough Playcentre

Coming from a country where most children grow up attached not only to our parents and siblings but also to our grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins (as a matter of fact, to our neighbours as well), we felt like our child was missing something in his life. Although I knew that my son will eventually go to school where he’ll meet new people, I have believed that he would also need to be around other people during his preschool years. But then, being migrants here, it was just me and my son in the house during weekdays and it’s usually just me, my husband and our son during weekends. Physically, we have neighbours but, to be honest, we haven’t met our neighbours until now. And although I knew he needed to be around other people apart from me, I never wanted to put him in a childcare centre and he’s too young for kindy. I tried to join in playgroups but I wasn’t lucky to find a group that I could be comfortable with because the first groups that I encountered were with moms who would put their children down with toys and other babies then would just start to chat about the challenges in motherhood. In my mind, I was screaming, “I already know it’s hard to be a mom and I came here so that my child and I could have people to interact and play with. I brought my child here not to be talked about!”

So my husband and I had a hard time figuring out what to do. Personally, I wanted to go to a place where I wouldn’t have to leave my child behind, a place where he would not have to come and stay for long hours, a place where he can discover and develop himself — his own interests, his own skills. I wanted to take him to a place where he wouldn’t be directed what to do, a place where he can choose what, when, where, with whom and how to play. I wanted to take him to a place where I could be a part of making decisions on how to help my child learn and thrive. I wanted to go to a place with my child where we could have fun together.

For several months as we would drive on the road where our house is, I could always see the “Playcentre” signage. When I was already desperate to find an option for my son, that signage came to my mind so I researched about it and here’s what it says on their website:

If at this point, you want to know more about Hillsborough Playcentre, here are their website and Facebook page.

Everything that I had read about them appealed to me. It felt like that was exactly what I wanted. So I made an enquiry and I was invited for a visit.

Then came our first visit. Right then and there, I already wanted to join. The place was totally awesome — an indoor space where children could freely choose the toys, puzzles, costumes and books, a huge outdoor area where children could freely move around and explore. I saw children in costumes — princesses, animals, superheroes. I heard children laughing, talking to each other and even planning about their play dates. The moms whom I spoke with were all praises for the centre. They all sounded happy — both adults and children. They allowed me and my son to simply experience how it is to be at Playcentre. And yes, we joined in.

I believe joining Hillsborough Playcentre is one of the best decisions that my husband and I have made. I have seen how our son has learnt and developed over the past two and a half years that we’re at Playcentre. He’s got people whom he calls his friends and those whom he calls friends are not only children but also the children’s moms (and a few dads).

Moreover, my husband and I have found our own friends from Playcentre — well, not only friends… we have found a family… a great village where we would love to raise our children.

In the past two and a half years, we got to have fun with them not only in the centre but also in the parks, ferry rides, parties, etc.. Our firstborn celebrated all his first three birthdays with them. Then I got pregnant and gave birth to our 2nd son. Each day for two weeks, each member family took turns in bringing a home-cooked meal for us. When I had to rush my firstborn to the hospital, a Playcentre friend rushed to our house to look after our baby. When I got sick earlier this year, our Playcentre friends helped us in looking after our children. Yes, our Hillsborough Playcentre family has been one of our main support groups during those challenging times.

But due to the illness that badly hit me this year, I had to make a very sad decision. We’ve got to stop from coming to “our village” at the moment but with the hope of being able to come back perhaps after two or three terms. Although they have wanted us to stay and have offered us several different options and great support, I still decided to leave because I can feel that I won’t be able to give the same commitment that I would always love to give and I don’t want to be unfair to the community who has been giving their best for us.

Moreso, I know in my heart that, more than anything else, my children need a strong and healthy mother. Our own family needs me to be the strongest and healthiest that I can be. And I know that once I get back to my healthiest state, we are going to come back to the village that we have loved so dearly.

A farewell card is the last thing I want to receive from Hillsborough Playcentre.

For now, it’s au revoir… til we meet again, our beloved Hillsborough Playcentre! ❤️❤️❤️

Let Them Be

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“I am SUPERMAN!!!”

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” -Nelson Mandela

“Nooooo!!!No suot (wear) that! Not that shirt! Not that pants!” screamed Mr. Two. “I want Superman lang (only),” he DECLARED.

There are mornings like this. Sometimes, it happens during mornings when everybody’s in a hurry. Yes, the struggle is real! (I ALSO WANT TO SCREAM “NOOOOO!!!”)

But then, what’s really wrong about a two-year-old wearing his Superman costume when he will just go to play in the childcare centre or at Playcentre? Nothing! Yes, nothing, right?! So why struggle?

“I am MAUI now!”
(Because he got “tattooed”…with stickers!)

Recently, he has become so OBSESSED with Moana. When he’s allowed to watch TV, he wants to watch Moana only. When we listen to music, it has to be the Moana soundtrack. And we have to listen to Moana soundtrack every single minute … every single day… and he dances his heart out every single time that he hears the songs. (Dancing is the cute part but listening to the same music over and over again? It makes me… “What can I say except you’re welcome? You’re welcome!” Arghhhhh…) Oh, one afternoon, he didn’t want to wear anything except his underpants because Maui is topless and then yesterday, he’s got himself “tattooed” (with stickers) because Maui has tattoos and HE IS MAUI, according to him!

So anything wrong with that? NOTHING!!! Because there is nothing wrong in letting the child believe that he can be whoever he wants to be.

Now I may be questioned: “So what if he gets so frustrated when he’d finally realise that he is neither Superman nor Maui?”

First, I am sure that he knows that he is neither Superman nor Maui because we call him by his real name and he responds to us.

Second, it is very, very natural for children and even for adults to get frustrated. Therefore, it is actually good for him to get frustrated when reality hits him. It becomes an opportunity for us to help him learn how to accept the fact, let go and move forward while he is still very young. Then while he realises that it is not all the time that he can be whoever he wants to be, he will still believe in himself.

Because he can try to become the person he wants to be. Because we believe that he can. Because we let him be!

He can be a mechanic!

He can be a firefighter! (He’s just having a break in the fire station. Look, he’s still wearing his fireman boots!)

He can mow the lawn!

He can be a photographer!

He can be a musician!

He can be an engineer or even a plumber!

He can be a chef!

I am a strong advocate of free play. They can get messy. They can get wet. They can explore. They can run around until they get tired. They can play with dolls as long as they are being good fathers or big brothers to the doll. They can play cooking.

Basically, I let my children do everything. I let them be.

Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, I give them freedom to do whatever they want to. However, I also have rules that they must strictly follow.

  • When it is eating time, it is eating time. They have to sit with us at the dining table. (This can be bent sometimes but should be followed most of the time.)
  • Eat what’s served on the table. Be thankful for the food whatever it is. They can decide on how much to eat though (only them can feel whether they’re hungry or full).
  • Bedtime starts between 7:30pm and 8pm. I can’t control how soon they fall asleep but they must stay on the bed…no standing up, no sitting, no jumping…nothing else but lie down!
  • Never hurt nor harm anyone.

I let them be because I want them to know that I trust them. I let them be but I let them face the consequences of their choices. I let them be and I celebrate with them when they achieve something from being who they have decided to be. I let them be because I know that it will help them develop a good amount of self-control and a good sense of full responsibility over their lives.

I love, trust and respect  them that’s why I let them be.

I Miss The Mother That I Was

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It was in the last quarter of 2013 when I learnt that I was pregnant with my first child. From then on, every single aspect of my life started to change.

Although I’ve still had plans for my own future, my family, particularly my children, became my topmost priority. My husband and I agreed that I stay at home full time to look after our children. We joined in Playcentre where I became not only a mother to my children but their first educator too.

Although I sometimes miss my life before I became a mother, I have loved being one. No matter how exhausting it could be sometimes, being a mother has given me so much joy. Motherhood has made me experience what true happiness is even if it meant sacrificing a lot. It has made me feel that I’m finally fulfilling my real purpose in life after pursuing too many different options in the past.

Despite the two difficult pregnancies and childbirths, it felt like everything was in the right place. Despite our daily struggles, it felt like we’re living a beautiful life.

I managed to still continue completing another course at Playcentre. I managed to attend the Playcentre sessions with a toddler and a baby. I managed to enjoy working with the other Playcentre parents. I felt like I was already on the right path to fulfill my all-time ambition of becoming a preschool teacher too.

And then a little over five months after giving birth to my second child, something happened in my body. My immune system messed up with my nerves and muscles. It has made me weak and incapable of performing my tasks. At first, I thought it affected only my lower extremities and swallowing. During my fourth day in the hospital, I couldn’t keep up carrying my baby like I used to. Fifth day came and I couldn’t lift him up from the bed anymore. Sixth day came and my upper extremities were already struggling in changing my boys’ nappies. And I had to completely stop breastfeeding.

Deep inside, I was agreeing with my doctors that I should stay in the hospital but I did my best to convince them to allow me to go home. I was itching to go home because all I wanted was to be with my boys day and night. But I was wrong.

Today is the third day that my husband has to drive our baby to a different house to be looked after by a very kind couple for almost nine hours while I’m at home. Today, we are going to visit a preschool where we can enrol our firstborn, which was totally not part of our plans for the very near future.

I decided not to work to become a full-time stay-at-home mother. But now, I’ve not been able to take on that role. I’ve missed carrying my baby. I’m afraid I’m not going to witness the first time that he’ll crawl or even the first time that he’ll try to stand up or sit up. I’m afraid I won’t be the one to guide him in taking his first steps.

But I have to be honest and, yes, to be gentle with myself. I am not the best person to look after my boys at the moment and neither is my husband since he needs to work. All these unwanted decisions are for the well-being of everyone in our family. I can get enough rest and time that I need to focus on my recovery. My baby will be looked after better and he can have as much cuddles as he needs. My preschooler can play in the best way possible without being disappointed when he wants me to play with him but I can’t. And my husband can focus at work.

I believe that this too shall pass but I pray that it is going to be really, really soon. I only want to do the things that I was doing as a mother. I tremendously miss being the mother that I used to be.

I Wish You Came Into My Life 15 Years Ago

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I was born when your grandma was only 22 years old. She was working then. I can still remember I had Yaya Two and Yaya Uding (well, she’s actually my beloved late Tita Uding). Most likely, I had Yaya One since I had Yaya Two. As I grew up, I had to live with your great grandma and your Mama Beth and Lola Nini (my aunts) because Lola Weng was working. Eventually, your grandma had to stop working despite having a grand promotion at hand because your grandpa wanted her to become a housewife to look after me, your uncle and aunt.

Because of that, I promised myself not to get pregnant until I achieved all my career goals and until I got tired of hanging out with my friends. And I succeeded. I didn’t get pregnant until I was 32 with my boyfriend then for 8 years who has been my husband and now your Daddy.

But now that I’ve been this sick and weak, I wish I had you 15 years ago. By now, I would’ve already taken you to several different places and countries. I would’ve seen you join and even win in different competitions. I would’ve watched you join in championships in different sports. I would’ve watched you in musical or dance recitals or even in stage plays. I would’ve now been looking at your framed certificates of appreciation for being such good friends to your classmates. I would’ve heard too many praises from your friends’ parents. And I would’ve even been called by the school principal because, yeah, you were involved in a fight!

But it would’ve been totally different if you came into my life 15 years ago. I might have been a totally different person then. I might have been a completely different mother. I might have not made the choices that I’ve made now as your Mommy. I might’ve been a working mom. And you might’ve been spending most of your preschool days with different people because I was in the office climbing a corporate ladder.

And you might’ve been not the kinds of boys that you are now and I wouldn’t like it. I love exactly what and how you have been. So, I’m glad you came when I was already excited about having kids of my own. I’m happy that you came when I was already prepared to sacrifice everything for you. And I’m thankful to God for his perfect timing. Because you came into my life in the most beautiful way!

I love you both so dearly! And thank you for coming into my life in God’s perfect time.