Tag Archives: challenges

How It Is To Live and Raise A Family in New Zealand (Part 1: The Economics)

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Disclaimer: Everything that’s written here is based on our own family’s experiences and based on my perspective and preferences. This is just the first part and this post is more about the financial aspect.

South Island, New Zealand (2014)

First, let me give you a background of how and why we came here.

It was in 2011 when my then-boyfriend told me he wanted to come here in New Zealand to see whether or not he would love to live and work here. With my do-what-you-want-and-what-you-think-is-right-for-you attitude, I simply agreed. Because we’re after what’s practical, he came here first while I continue with my life and work back in the Philippines. He came here in early 2012 with a visa that did not restrict him from applying for a job and he was fortunate enough to find one. Fast forward to mid-2013, I came here trusting his judgment that NZ is a great place to live and build a family. Fast forward a little bit more to January 2014, I got pregnant and we got married. And now we have two boys already with two years and a month age gap.

So how’s our life now here in New Zealand?

Three words: HARD YET BEAUTIFUL.

I can’t give you separate reasons for why it is hard and why it is beautiful because hard and beautiful seem to be inseparable to describe our life here. Hardships lead us to life’s beauty. For every beautiful aspirations that we have, we need to go through hardships.

This is what I would honestly say to anyone considering to migrate here in NZ:

If your main goal is to become wealthy, I doubt that you can achieve it here unless you are single and not planning to start a family anytime soon. If your main concern is your family with you being the best provider of material things, you come alone and work here then let your family stay in the Philippines. If your main goal is to provide a better environment to your family and better education to your children without having to pay hundred thousands of pesos a year for the tuition, come here BUT… be ready to live in the simplest and most practical way as possible.

Financially speaking, it is hard to survive here. Most Filipino couples here that we know are both working. In our case, my husband has been the sole provider and I am a stay-at-home mom. At first, it was by choice because we never want to put our young children (3 years old and 1 year old) in childcare centre and none of our parents would stay here to look after our children full-time. Now it is hard for me at the moment to work even if I want to and even if we need to since I got sick this year.

Putting our children for full time in a childcare centre will cost us at least $400 (around 14k pesos) per week. If my child gets sick while he’s under their care, I would have to take a leave from work to pick him up from the centre while still paying the full amount.

Renting a decent 2-bedroom house here in Auckland would usually cost at least $400 per week (if you’re lucky like us). That’s around 60k pesos per month excluding the utilities (electricity, water, phone, internet). Our weekly groceries would usually range between $150 to $200 (5k to 7k pesos). As much as my judgment is concerned, we are already being thrifty while minding our family’s, particularly our children’s, health and well-being. Food is really expensive here but both me and my husband were raised in households where food and nutrition should never be sacrificed.

Do we still go for shopping? Yes, to purchase our children’s needs. For me and my husband? Rarely. Most of my clothes are either from the Philippines (the ones I brought here back in 2013 and the ones that were given to me by my mom-in-law and sister) or hand-me-down clothes from my husband’s aunt. I haven’t even bought any cosmetics in the last 3 years. Shoes? One in a year and I go for bargains…up to $20 (700 pesos). Bag? Yes, a nappy bag that we have been using for 3 years already. My engagement ring doesn’t have diamond or any stone and our marriage rings are from Philippines. And my phone is still an iphone5s.

Going out and about, we go for bus and train, especially if we’re going to CBD, since the parking fees are tremendously awful. We occasionally ride in a taxi or even the likes of uber.

We rarely eat in restaurants now. We would pack our lunch as much as possible whenever we go out. If we’re not able to, we either buy from takeaways or you can find us in a foodcourt.

You might say, “I’m sure the salaries/wages there are high.” No! It might sound big if you convert it to pesos but go back to the above-mentioned expenses then think if the net salary here is really high.  Plus we need to pay really huge amount of tax.

Sounds hard? Yes, it is hard. So why are we still here? It is our decision. It is mainly for our children.

I gave birth to my two boys free of charge. The only prenatal service that we had to pay were the ultrasounds. The healthcare providers even come to our house for postnatal check-ups and for the regular check-ups of our children since they know that I can’t drive. Immunisations are free. They are being checked and treated by our GP (family doctor) for free and that’s until they’re 12 years old. We don’t even have to pay for our admissions to the hospital. Their dental treatments are free until they’re 18. Schools here are not as expensive as the private schools there in the Philippines.

If we want to take them to museum, it’s free. If we want to go to the beach, we can go anytime for as long as our car has enough petrol or we have extra for bus fares. We don’t have to pay for the beach resort entrance. All beaches are open for public for free. Playgrounds and parks are open for public and they’re free of charge. We were able to feed the lambs for free. Almost every suburb has a public library from where we can borrow several books at a time for a month all free of charge.

Considering all of these, we may not have all the material things that other migrant workers or OFW can purchase but we are sure that our children have the opportunities to gain knowledge and wonderful experiences from going to museum, parks and beaches, and from being able to read several different books in their lifetime even if our family is low on budget. And that is what’s most important to us.

In the next part, I will talk about how we are coping as a family while living away from our families and relatives back in the Philippines.

Our Spirit of Battle Turns 1

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Our “spirit of battle” was born on 28 July 2016 at 2:07pm.

Today, 28 July 2017, marks the 1st birthday of our “Spirit of Battle”. Yes, that’s the meaning of his name and he truly deserves it because it feels like he has already won several battles in life.

It was a day before we left Philippines when we visited there in late 2015 when my husband and I found out that I was carrying our second child. We didn’t tell anyone yet during that time as it was still too early and we wanted it to be confirmed by our GP here. It was unexpected. It was unplanned. But it’s true that best things and greatest blessings come unexpectedly.

While he was still in my tummy, we so fondly called him G2 since our firstborn’s name starts with letter G. We were supposed to name him Xavier but a day before he was born I discovered his name when I tried to find a variation of the word cadence, which means harmony. Indeed, Caden was meant to be his name.

Three months before he was born, the doctors found out that there’s a possibility of him coming out prematurely after I fell over. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days back then because I needed to be injected with steroids that could help his lungs cope well in case he’d come out that early. And within the whole last trimester of my pregnancy, we had to be closely monitored by a maternity team because he seemed to be not growing well inside my womb and the blood flow in his brain seemed to be not enough. Thankfully, he stayed inside my womb for until almost 39 weeks.

Although it was a natural birth and without epidural, it was a more difficult labour and birth. I almost asked my midwife to cut my tummy a few hours before he came out because it felt like I was going to have an asthma attack. I asked for the gas instead. Then it felt like the precious little one fought with me and just pushed himself out and made it easier for me.

Our very precious blessing has always been a resilient fighter. ❤️❤️❤️

When he came out, he cried very quietly and only for a short time. He was able to latch on so easily as if he really knew what to do to be able to drink milk. But then, his temperature and his blood sugar level were very low so he was put in an incubator for four hours. Afterwards, we were good to go to the birthcare. It was a very bad timing to transfer from hospital to birthcare because it’s winter and his temperature should not go low again and, worse, it was rush hour and the traffic was awful but we needed to be in the birthcare within thirty minutes because he had to be monitored again.

He’s been a quiet, happy and contented baby most of the time.

Then weeks and months went by. We were successful in breastfeeding. He had a great daily routine that enabled me to still spend time with his kuya and to do other house chores. I was able to come back to Playcentre after 3 months and he was coming with us too. He enjoyed his first Christmas and New Year.

But after he turned 5 months old, he had to experience heaps of changes and adjustments because I got so ill. He stayed with me in the hospital for four days because I was still breastfeeding him but we had to abruptly stop it and to start him with formula exclusively. Surely, he also felt the stress and worries that our family had undergone during the following months. He even had to stay in another house then in a childcare centre during the day for several months because I couldn’t look after him and my husband would have to work of course.

Within those months, it felt like I missed many of his firsts. One day, I just realised that he was already crawling then sitting up. Time went by faster and he began standing up then toddling and now walking. He’s already got his own ways of communicating with us. He loves music. He likes dancing and bouncing up and down. And we love his smiles. Oh, we love him so dearly!

Despite all the challenges, here he is now — still happy and thriving so well– a very active boy growing up into a determined and resilient man.

And today, he turns 1! ❤️❤️❤️

 

 

The Continuation of the Saga

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This is the Part 2 of my blog post The Saga Continues. 

A few days after the test was done to me, I received an appointment letter for me to see the neurologist who mainly looked after me. I, together with my husband and sons, went to the Neurology Day Stay Clinic at Auckland City Hospital last Monday.

There was also a Neurology student inside the clinic where Dr. R discussed about their findings on me. After he asked me how I’ve been, he asked the student: “What condition will you consider if the symptoms are muscular weakness and difficulty in swallowing, particularly after some activities and towards the end of the day, and her eyelids are slightly droopy and she’s having double vision every now and then? The acetylcholine antibody in her blood has been tested thrice and they’re all above the normal level.” The student gave some answers. She didn’t nail it!

Dr. R said, “It’s Myasthenia Gravis!”

What is Myasthenia Gravis?

At that very moment, I felt like everything in this world suddenly stopped. Even my breathing stopped…no, I just held my breath! My heart was beating fast and I looked at my two sons. I didn’t know what to think and feel.

Then Dr. R looked at me and started to discuss what he and Dr. C thought about my case.

The good news was the overall result of the test that was done to me was within normal.

The bad news was they still could not confirm that I really don’t have Myasthenia Gravis. He said that Dr. C explained to him that he’s had some patients who had normal results as well but after months or even years of investigating their conditions, it turned out that when the tests came back normal, they were only at the stage when Myasthenia Gravis was still developing until the symptoms got really worse.

So now what?

He told me that they won’t do anything at the moment. No treatment, no therapies, nothing… unless the symptoms start to get worse. They will see me again after 10 months. Yes, 10 months. He asked me to have another set of blood tests to see if any other autoimmune disorder is possible — meaning: if my immune system is also attacking my other organs such as thyroid, liver and kidneys.

My husband asked him if we can do anything (i.e. diet or lifestyle change or vitamins) to prevent the Myasthenia Gravis from developing in case it really does. Doctor said that there’s nothing we can do. Yes, NOTHING!!!

To be honest, that was very, very frustrating. We had waited for almost half a year to find out the cause of that horrible experience that not only me but our whole family had. And yet, the answer was still not final. I had been praying that I’d hear the doctor say, “it was indeed Guillain-Barré Syndrome and you have nothing to worry about now…” or at the very least (not that I want it), “you have this or that illness/disorder and we’ll start with the treatment and you will be cured.”

But then, I have nothing against my doctors. I know that they’ve done everything that they could. They have considered everything that they know (or learnt) and did all the possible tests. And I totally appreciate how they have handled my case. Moreover, I’m really thankful that they have never put me under any trial-and-error medications.

For now, I’ll wait until they call me again for my next appointment and simply pray that I’ll get better and better… and, of course, to continue living my life. After all, I’ve got two wonderful boys to look after and my husband and I have got beautiful plans for our family to look forward to.

A Very Important Word in Every Parent-Child Relationship

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Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like I was about to erupt like a volcano. Mr. Three was causing heaps of mischiefs and was showing a few misbehaviour while all that Mr. Eleven Months wanted to do was to be physically attached to me.

The moment came when I was really about to explode. I could feel all my blood rushing to my head and my face turned hot and I was sure it turned bloody red. Yes, I was so angry like this: 😡!

I was sitting on one end of the couch holding the baby brother. I knew I was giving Mr. Three an ultimate piercing gaze and I was grinding my teeth so hard while pushing my lips so tight against each other to keep my mouth shut. Who knew what I could have uttered if I let myself talk or even scream at that time?!

On the other end of the couch was Mr. Three. He was starting to cry. Within a few minutes, he exclaimed:

“I understand you, Mommy! I understand! I understand you’re galit (anger). I understand you’re galit (angry) me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Mommy.” He was already sobbing at that time.

Seeing him and hearing his words calmed me down big time. It softened my heart and somehow cleared my mind. I opened my arm to invite him to come to me. He ran up to me and hugged me. He was still sobbing and telling me that he’s sorry. I hugged him so tight and kissed him.

After all our heavy emotions subsided and our lounge had been filled with peace and calmness, I realised Mr. Three perfectly mirrored what I have been doing to him whenever he’s dealing with huge unpleasant emotions.

There have been many times when I didn’t know what to say when he’s having a tremendous outburst of emotions and all I could say was:

“I UNDERSTAND. I totally UNDERSTAND you.”

More often than not, I say that even if I don’t really understand him. I say that hoping that he’d calm down. I say that hoping that he’d help me to know what has really been going on. I say that hoping that I could really understand him so we can regain the peace that was lost at that moment.

So perhaps Mr. Three didn’t know what to do or say yesterday as well but he wanted me to calm down and he wanted us to simply start over again in peace.

I have read a lot about how to deal with a child’s “tantrums” or whatever the people would like to call that. 99.9% of the “experts” said that empathising is the most effective way. I think empathy can work effectively but, personally, I’m not sure if I have already learnt how to empathise effectively or, moreso, sincerely.

It was written by many that we can effectively calm down a child by saying: “I can see that you’re sad/upset/angry. I understand how you feel or what you’re going through.” I have tried these statements but, at the back of my mind, I was asking myself: “What if this child is not upset? What if he’s not really sad? What if he’s just hungry? What if he just wants to play something else? And what if he just wants me?”

Sometimes, I change the “recommended statements” a bit into:

“I understand you. I totally understand you. But can you tell Mommy why you’re crying/why you did that? Are you sad or upset or scared or angry? What made you sad/upset/angry, etc.?”

It can calm him down and, at the same time, we can talk about how he feels or what actually happened.

But most of the time, I can only say:

“I UNDERSTAND. I totally UNDERSTAND you.”

Then I give him a big tight hug. And it’s effective. Because who doesn’t want to be understood? Even us, adults, long for others to understand us.

I think that, next to love and more than anything else, our children need us to UNDERSTAND them. And based on what happened to us yesterday, our children will also UNDERSTAND us when we make them feel that we UNDERSTAND them.

***If you’re curious what Mr. Three had done that made me so angry, let me just put it this way: He’d been so used to having all of me almost all the time for two years and then, one day, another precious being came to his life and this wee one needs and wants all of me too. Mr. Three has always been a good and kind boy, or even brother, but he has been experiencing a very common emotion these days — jealousy. This time I’m sure that it’s jealousy because when they’re left in a room together all alone by themselves, they laugh and play together as if they’re best of friends but when I’m in the same room, it usually becomes chaotic.***

The Saga Continues…

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Two weeks ago, I received a call and it was about the appointment that I had been waiting for for four months. So since then, I had been looking forward to the 29th of June. The more extensive nerve conduction and single-fibre EMG tests would be done.

29 June 2017 — The day went on as usual… looking after the boys, trying to organise and tidy up the house, etc.. My husband left his work at 1pm to drive me to hospital and to take the boys to the museum while I had to undergo the tests.

I arrived at the Neurophysiology reception 10 minutes before my appointment. I saw a few neurologists walking around. It felt good when they stopped to greet me and to ask how I’ve been… and told me that they’ve been looking forward to give me the final diagnosis. I’ve been hoping for that too.

I had to wait at the reception area for only five minutes. The very last neurologist whom I saw during my last day in the Neurology ward six months ago was the one who led me to the testing room. He examined me. The weakness that I thought was completely gone was still there. “You’re definitely stronger now but you’re still weak.” That’s what he said.

Then he explained to me about the procedure, which could last for 90 minutes. He then went out to call the neurologist who’s a specialist in conducting the tests.

The specialist entered the room. I was nervous but I was feeling positive too. I was glad when he told me that he thought they wouldn’t have to do the nerve conduction test since they thought that the problem is not on my nerves but on my neuromuscular junctions (I’m not sure what that meant but based on the name…it might be the connection between my nerves and muscles). Then he proceeded to examining me in the same way that I was examined several minutes ago and he started the SFEMG test.

He asked me to lie down and began to insert the needle into my right arm. Then I began to feel the “electric shocks” and heard those “tock…tock…tock…tock…tock…” from the computer. It lasted for almost 20 minutes. Then he transferred the needle just a few centimetres away from the first one. It lasted for around 10 minutes. Then he removed the needle. He told me that they seemed to have enough data and excused themselves to talk about the result. They went out for five minutes.

While they were out, I was thinking that they had the answer. I was wrong.

I was told that there were times when the number of jitters per microsecond was higher than the normal range but the mean was within the normal range so they had to do the same thing again but it would be on top of my right eyebrow. Yes, they had to insert the needle on top of my right eyebrow (which became a bit swollen after).

It lasted for almost 20 minutes. He said we’re done. He said I could already go anytime and that the main neurologist who’s been assigned to me would call me for follow-up. I was dying to hear about the result so I asked him about it. He said “We found abnormalities in the result and I would further look at it then I’ll send my report to Dr. R. He will then set a schedule for a follow-up appointment with you. But if you notice that your symptoms are getting worse like you’d feel you’re getting weaker again or your double vision worsens or your eyelids are drooping more or your swallowing becomes difficult like last time, you need to let us know right away so we can already put you under medications.”

The answer was not clear to me because there was no direct answer but I respect how he did it. Perhaps my main neurologist should really be the one to discuss about the result to me.

For now, I simply have to wait for the next call from them and hope that I’ll continue to get better without the need for any medications (because I have never been good at taking medicines).

Yes, the waiting game and the saga continue… 😔😔😔