Pour the Paint… A child-initiated and self-directed play

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This play was 100% child-initiated and self-directed.

First, he asked me to open the jar of the blue paint that I made yesterday. Since we don’t have a paintbrush that he could use, I gave him a couple of cotton swabs. He used them by dabbing.

My homemade paints:
Flour + Salt + Water + Food Colouring

After several minutes, he asked me to put some red paint into the same cup. He said afterwards, “Mommy, it’s not blue now and red paint is gone. It’s purple now.”

Then he asked for yellow paint to be put into the same cup. He continued to dab using the swab for a few minutes then he used his fingers.

Then he stopped painting and put the chalks that used to be there into their box. He tidied up his “work space”.

Suddenly, he asked, “Mommy, there’s salt in the paint?” I then explained to him that I used flour, salt, water and food colouring in making those paints.

Then he replied, “Yeah! I know! There’s salt. I touched (perhaps he meant “felt”) it! Mommy, I want to pour it. I not want to touch the salt.”

I got worried that he’d pour the entire paint at once. I adjusted the paper to make sure that the paint wouldn’t flow straight onto the floor (although there was a protective mat).

Although I knew that pouring would eventually happen because that’s what he loves to do when there are liquids in front of him, I didn’t expect that he’d pour the paint in the way that he did. He slowly poured the paint onto the paper, carefully watched the paint as it flowed down and moved from one part of the paper to another. I was amazed!

What amazed me more was when he said “Mommy, I’m done. We can wipe this and clean the board now. Thank you, Mommy!” And he actually helped in cleaning and tidying up.

It only means that he succeeded in completing the whole process that was formed in his mind. I believe it’s important for a child to be able to complete a whole play episode without so much interference while still providing the resources and support that they need.
After several minutes, I found him looking and smiling at his “masterpiece”. I could see in his face the sense of accomplishment that he felt and I love it!

I could enumerate heaps of learnings that I recognised during this play — from his fine motor skills to communication skills, etc. — but one thing that I recognised the most was his ability to initiate a play and to direct it using his creativity and curiosity.

The Continuation of the Saga

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This is the Part 2 of my blog post The Saga Continues. 

A few days after the test was done to me, I received an appointment letter for me to see the neurologist who mainly looked after me. I, together with my husband and sons, went to the Neurology Day Stay Clinic at Auckland City Hospital last Monday.

There was also a Neurology student inside the clinic where Dr. R discussed about their findings on me. After he asked me how I’ve been, he asked the student: “What condition will you consider if the symptoms are muscular weakness and difficulty in swallowing, particularly after some activities and towards the end of the day, and her eyelids are slightly droopy and she’s having double vision every now and then? The acetylcholine antibody in her blood has been tested thrice and they’re all above the normal level.” The student gave some answers. She didn’t nail it!

Dr. R said, “It’s Myasthenia Gravis!”

What is Myasthenia Gravis?

At that very moment, I felt like everything in this world suddenly stopped. Even my breathing stopped…no, I just held my breath! My heart was beating fast and I looked at my two sons. I didn’t know what to think and feel.

Then Dr. R looked at me and started to discuss what he and Dr. C thought about my case.

The good news was the overall result of the test that was done to me was within normal.

The bad news was they still could not confirm that I really don’t have Myasthenia Gravis. He said that Dr. C explained to him that he’s had some patients who had normal results as well but after months or even years of investigating their conditions, it turned out that when the tests came back normal, they were only at the stage when Myasthenia Gravis was still developing until the symptoms got really worse.

So now what?

He told me that they won’t do anything at the moment. No treatment, no therapies, nothing… unless the symptoms start to get worse. They will see me again after 10 months. Yes, 10 months. He asked me to have another set of blood tests to see if any other autoimmune disorder is possible — meaning: if my immune system is also attacking my other organs such as thyroid, liver and kidneys.

My husband asked him if we can do anything (i.e. diet or lifestyle change or vitamins) to prevent the Myasthenia Gravis from developing in case it really does. Doctor said that there’s nothing we can do. Yes, NOTHING!!!

To be honest, that was very, very frustrating. We had waited for almost half a year to find out the cause of that horrible experience that not only me but our whole family had. And yet, the answer was still not final. I had been praying that I’d hear the doctor say, “it was indeed Guillain-Barré Syndrome and you have nothing to worry about now…” or at the very least (not that I want it), “you have this or that illness/disorder and we’ll start with the treatment and you will be cured.”

But then, I have nothing against my doctors. I know that they’ve done everything that they could. They have considered everything that they know (or learnt) and did all the possible tests. And I totally appreciate how they have handled my case. Moreover, I’m really thankful that they have never put me under any trial-and-error medications.

For now, I’ll wait until they call me again for my next appointment and simply pray that I’ll get better and better… and, of course, to continue living my life. After all, I’ve got two wonderful boys to look after and my husband and I have got beautiful plans for our family to look forward to.

A Very Important Word in Every Parent-Child Relationship

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Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like I was about to erupt like a volcano. Mr. Three was causing heaps of mischiefs and was showing a few misbehaviour while all that Mr. Eleven Months wanted to do was to be physically attached to me.

The moment came when I was really about to explode. I could feel all my blood rushing to my head and my face turned hot and I was sure it turned bloody red. Yes, I was so angry like this: 😡!

I was sitting on one end of the couch holding the baby brother. I knew I was giving Mr. Three an ultimate piercing gaze and I was grinding my teeth so hard while pushing my lips so tight against each other to keep my mouth shut. Who knew what I could have uttered if I let myself talk or even scream at that time?!

On the other end of the couch was Mr. Three. He was starting to cry. Within a few minutes, he exclaimed:

“I understand you, Mommy! I understand! I understand you’re galit (anger). I understand you’re galit (angry) me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Mommy.” He was already sobbing at that time.

Seeing him and hearing his words calmed me down big time. It softened my heart and somehow cleared my mind. I opened my arm to invite him to come to me. He ran up to me and hugged me. He was still sobbing and telling me that he’s sorry. I hugged him so tight and kissed him.

After all our heavy emotions subsided and our lounge had been filled with peace and calmness, I realised Mr. Three perfectly mirrored what I have been doing to him whenever he’s dealing with huge unpleasant emotions.

There have been many times when I didn’t know what to say when he’s having a tremendous outburst of emotions and all I could say was:

“I UNDERSTAND. I totally UNDERSTAND you.”

More often than not, I say that even if I don’t really understand him. I say that hoping that he’d calm down. I say that hoping that he’d help me to know what has really been going on. I say that hoping that I could really understand him so we can regain the peace that was lost at that moment.

So perhaps Mr. Three didn’t know what to do or say yesterday as well but he wanted me to calm down and he wanted us to simply start over again in peace.

I have read a lot about how to deal with a child’s “tantrums” or whatever the people would like to call that. 99.9% of the “experts” said that empathising is the most effective way. I think empathy can work effectively but, personally, I’m not sure if I have already learnt how to empathise effectively or, moreso, sincerely.

It was written by many that we can effectively calm down a child by saying: “I can see that you’re sad/upset/angry. I understand how you feel or what you’re going through.” I have tried these statements but, at the back of my mind, I was asking myself: “What if this child is not upset? What if he’s not really sad? What if he’s just hungry? What if he just wants to play something else? And what if he just wants me?”

Sometimes, I change the “recommended statements” a bit into:

“I understand you. I totally understand you. But can you tell Mommy why you’re crying/why you did that? Are you sad or upset or scared or angry? What made you sad/upset/angry, etc.?”

It can calm him down and, at the same time, we can talk about how he feels or what actually happened.

But most of the time, I can only say:

“I UNDERSTAND. I totally UNDERSTAND you.”

Then I give him a big tight hug. And it’s effective. Because who doesn’t want to be understood? Even us, adults, long for others to understand us.

I think that, next to love and more than anything else, our children need us to UNDERSTAND them. And based on what happened to us yesterday, our children will also UNDERSTAND us when we make them feel that we UNDERSTAND them.

***If you’re curious what Mr. Three had done that made me so angry, let me just put it this way: He’d been so used to having all of me almost all the time for two years and then, one day, another precious being came to his life and this wee one needs and wants all of me too. Mr. Three has always been a good and kind boy, or even brother, but he has been experiencing a very common emotion these days — jealousy. This time I’m sure that it’s jealousy because when they’re left in a room together all alone by themselves, they laugh and play together as if they’re best of friends but when I’m in the same room, it usually becomes chaotic.***

The Garage

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When our Mr. Three woke up from his afternoon nap last Saturday, he said:

“Mommy, I slept well. Let’s go to toys. I’ll buy the garage.”

I just woke up too and my brain wasn’t functioning well yet at that time. I tried hard to comprehend what he was saying because neither my husband nor I mentioned that we’re going to a toy store that day.

Then I remembered that almost a month ago, the day before his birthday, we went to “his toys store” and he saw a really huge toy garage. I knew he liked it but I was glad that he was OK when I told him that we wouldn’t buy that.

The toy garage that Mr. Three wants to buy

I told him, “We can go to toy store now but we can’t buy the garage because it’s too expensive and we don’t have enough money to buy that.”

He said, “I have money. It’s in my yellow elephant, Mommy. We can get my coins and go to the toys store and buy the garage!”

I replied to him, “I’m not sure if that’s enough for you to be able to buy the garage. We can get the coins from your yellow elephant and see if it’s enough. We need $200 (the regular price; it’s now discounted for 50%) to buy that garage. If there’s $200 or more, we can buy the garage. But it looks like you’ve only had $10. How about we save more coins and when you have $200 in your elephant we can buy your garage?”

Mr. Three’s yellow elephant

He started to cry. It was the first time that he cried like that over a toy. It broke my heart. I could feel how much he liked that toy garage. I wanted to give in.

But then, I did not. It was not all about the money after all. It was about helping our young boy to learn some important lessons in life.

1. He needs to learn the difference between needs and wants. We do our best to provide our children everything that they need but we don’t give them everything that they want.

2. He needs to learn to “work” to get what he wants. This time it’s just saving the coins that I give him to put into his yellow elephant from time to time. I don’t regularly give him coins. Those coins are just the change from my allowance when we go out. He doesn’t really have his own allowance yet and we don’t give him coins as a reward. We don’t actually give them any rewards for their good deeds because they have to do good deeds without expecting any reward.

3. He needs to learn to have patience and self-control. This time, he and his Daddy agreed that they’ll wait until Christmas before he can buy that garage. So he still has 5 months to save for that garage. I had to wait for two years before I had the piano/keyboard that I was dreaming to have since I was in 4th grade. I received my piano as a graduation gift and it was only because I met the “requirement” that Papa and Lola set for me to achieve in grade school. Yes, it took TWO long years!

4. He needs to know that we are not supposed to spend that much for something that he only wants just like that. So he needs to “work” and be patient to have that. Even if we have enough money to buy such, I wouldn’t easily spend that much for something that he doesn’t really need. And honestly, we are not in the position to spend that much for a toy. The most expensive toy that we have bought for him was his balance bike, which was only $50 because that was a secondhand bike.

5. He can use his creativity and imagination while playing instead of having an instant toy like that. I remember how much I wanted to have a Barbie house. I never had the pink house with a “Barbie” mark but, as I grew older, I managed to make different houses for my Barbie dolls out of Lego or boxes. I never felt deprived; instead, I felt happy and proud each time that I made a house for my Barbie dolls.

 

As much as I want to give my sons everything, I know my husband and I don’t have to actually give them every material thing that they want. We provide what they need but not everything that they want. We don’t deprive them but we don’t want them to grow up believing that they’re entitled to get everything that they want. As I admitted earlier, it broke my heart when I refused to give him what he wanted but I know it will break my heart more if he grows up not being able to learn the important lessons in life.

For now, the toy garage is an item that has been added to our family agenda’s parking lot.

The Saga Continues…

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Two weeks ago, I received a call and it was about the appointment that I had been waiting for for four months. So since then, I had been looking forward to the 29th of June. The more extensive nerve conduction and single-fibre EMG tests would be done.

29 June 2017 — The day went on as usual… looking after the boys, trying to organise and tidy up the house, etc.. My husband left his work at 1pm to drive me to hospital and to take the boys to the museum while I had to undergo the tests.

I arrived at the Neurophysiology reception 10 minutes before my appointment. I saw a few neurologists walking around. It felt good when they stopped to greet me and to ask how I’ve been… and told me that they’ve been looking forward to give me the final diagnosis. I’ve been hoping for that too.

I had to wait at the reception area for only five minutes. The very last neurologist whom I saw during my last day in the Neurology ward six months ago was the one who led me to the testing room. He examined me. The weakness that I thought was completely gone was still there. “You’re definitely stronger now but you’re still weak.” That’s what he said.

Then he explained to me about the procedure, which could last for 90 minutes. He then went out to call the neurologist who’s a specialist in conducting the tests.

The specialist entered the room. I was nervous but I was feeling positive too. I was glad when he told me that he thought they wouldn’t have to do the nerve conduction test since they thought that the problem is not on my nerves but on my neuromuscular junctions (I’m not sure what that meant but based on the name…it might be the connection between my nerves and muscles). Then he proceeded to examining me in the same way that I was examined several minutes ago and he started the SFEMG test.

He asked me to lie down and began to insert the needle into my right arm. Then I began to feel the “electric shocks” and heard those “tock…tock…tock…tock…tock…” from the computer. It lasted for almost 20 minutes. Then he transferred the needle just a few centimetres away from the first one. It lasted for around 10 minutes. Then he removed the needle. He told me that they seemed to have enough data and excused themselves to talk about the result. They went out for five minutes.

While they were out, I was thinking that they had the answer. I was wrong.

I was told that there were times when the number of jitters per microsecond was higher than the normal range but the mean was within the normal range so they had to do the same thing again but it would be on top of my right eyebrow. Yes, they had to insert the needle on top of my right eyebrow (which became a bit swollen after).

It lasted for almost 20 minutes. He said we’re done. He said I could already go anytime and that the main neurologist who’s been assigned to me would call me for follow-up. I was dying to hear about the result so I asked him about it. He said “We found abnormalities in the result and I would further look at it then I’ll send my report to Dr. R. He will then set a schedule for a follow-up appointment with you. But if you notice that your symptoms are getting worse like you’d feel you’re getting weaker again or your double vision worsens or your eyelids are drooping more or your swallowing becomes difficult like last time, you need to let us know right away so we can already put you under medications.”

The answer was not clear to me because there was no direct answer but I respect how he did it. Perhaps my main neurologist should really be the one to discuss about the result to me.

For now, I simply have to wait for the next call from them and hope that I’ll continue to get better without the need for any medications (because I have never been good at taking medicines).

Yes, the waiting game and the saga continue… 😔😔😔