If you have managed to read my very long first post here, you already know that I have Guillain Barré Syndrome.
GBS has made it hard for me to stand up from low-levelled seats. It has made it hard for me to sit up from lying position. It has made it difficult for me to swallow. It has made it difficult for me to shampoo and comb my hair.
Worst is that it has made me so incapable to lift and carry my two sons. It has made it impossible for me to play with my sons the way I used to.
Yes, GBS has made me feel so USELESS!
Who would want to be in the same situation that I’m in nowadays? Who wouldn’t feel sad? Who wouldn’t feel bad? Who wouldn’t wish to just die?
But each time that I see my very young boys, I can’t help but pray for a miracle. I pray that, in just a blink of my eyes, I am back to my normal self. I pray that, as I take my very next breath, I am strong enough to lift and carry my baby. I pray that, within a millisecond, I can dance, jump and run again with my toddler. I pray that all of these have just been parts of a bad dream and that, as soon as I wake up, I’ll feel that I have never experienced the wrath of GBS.
I know how and how much my sons have been affected by what has happened to me. My 5-month-old baby was crying earlier and my husband had a hard time to make him stop crying. We could hear our baby say “Mom-my! Mom! Mom-my!” Being able to hear my baby call “Mommy” now would have been a song to my ears. But how could it sound like a beautiful song to my ears if he’s saying that while he’s crying yet I couldn’t do anything? It became a torture to my heart!
And my toddler was making different sorts of requests that I could have done and given should I have not been suffering from GBS. This whole experience has stolen motherhood from me!
So tonight as I put my toddler to sleep, I whispered to him, “Sorry, Mommy got sick. I know it’s been hard for you.”
“Don’t worry, Mommy. I love you!”
He said. Then he touched the back of my neck and pulled me towards him and hugged me so tight. All I could say was “thank you” and I started to cry so hard. With that he replied before kissing me on my forehead,
“It’s OK, Mommy. Don’t worry, be happy. Gabrian here. I love you.”
I then realised that I must have done something really good in my life.
You’ve done many good things in your live. Don’t point out what you can’t do. Just focus and share with your boys on the things you can do! They are very adaptable. You are, loved.
Thank you, Teri. Keeping that in mind. ❤
Hi. I saw your post in one of the Pinoy groups in FB and led me to your blog. Your story is really heartbreaking. I know what you and your family are going through because I’ve been in a similar situation a few years ago, although not with the same illness. I don’t have extra funds to donate but I’m willing to offer any kind of assistance. If you need someone to help clean your house or look after the kids so you and your husband can rest, or if you just need someone to chat with at home.
Thank you so much. I’ll let you know if and when. It’s just that I have an appointment or two each day. But I’ll let you know when we need any help. Thanks!
I was led here from a GBS page on Facebook.
I was diagnosed with GBS December of 2014.I’m a single mom of a 5 yr old girl.She had never been away from me when I was diagnosed and she was just turning 3.She was literally bounced from friend to friend while I was in the hospital
I am now 2 years out and still not fully recovered. She does get frustrated because she doesn’t understand why I still can’t do the stuff I did before.
But you do adjust and adapt to your new normal and your kids do too.So hang in there
Thank you very much for sharing your story. We’ve just enrolled our boys (even my 6-month-old baby) in a childcare centre, which is hard for me because I was used to looking after them full time and never had it been in my mind to ever put them under the care of other people while they are still under 5’s. It’s sad but it’s the best thing to do for them and my husband and me as well at the moment. I hope I’ll fully recover soon so I can go back as my sons’ primary carer. Again, thank you for sharing and for your encouraging words. ❤❤❤