It was New Year’s Eve afternoon. My left leg suddenly felt weak. I thought that I was just tired.

First day of year 2017. I woke up because of the severe pain from the left part of my hips all the way down to my left foot. I thought that I might have made a wrong step the day before. Lunch time. I had difficulty in swallowing… not that my throat was sore but my throat muscles felt weak. As that day went by, my right leg started to feel weak too. I thought I only needed some rest.

2nd day of the new year. It’s a new year! But it’s also a day for our family to get some break from all the festivities! My husband and I decided to clean the house. I decided to clean our shower cubicle. When I had to get up after scrubbing the floor, I couldn’t lift myself up from sitting. My legs and feet felt powerless. My husband had to lift me up. I thought that perhaps I was really exhausted.

Night came. Severe pain from my hips all the way down through my both legs and to my both feet. Even my saliva was hard to swallow while I was lying on the bed. I thought I had to know what could be the reason.

It was almost midnight. I had a chat with my best friend who’s a doctor in UK. She said the symptoms were alarming. She was hoping that I would go to hospital soon. I called the Healthline hoping to get some advice for possible home remedies. The nurse on the phone said that I should be in the hospital within the next two hours. I thought that timing seems to be not good.

It was midnight. My 2.5-year-old and 5-month-old boys were deeply asleep. They were very tired from the New Year’s celebrations. My husband and I waited til the morning came before we went to the hospital emergency. I thought I would end up being told by the doctor that I would only need to rest and head back home.

In the emergency department. I spoke with the triage nurse. It took only around 15 minutes and I was asked to go to an area. I was given the direction to follow the black line on the floor. On my way to where the black line was leading me, I saw that I was going to “Ambulatory” area. I thought that perhaps there’s something serious.

Ambulatory. I was seen by a nurse and followed by a doctor. A CT scan of my brain was done afterwards. Found myself talking to neurologists. I was asked to stay in the hospital to be observed for 24 hours. I was transferred to a room in the “Acute Neurosurgery” ward. I thought I shouldn’t be there.

Ward 81. 24 hours had passed. Some examinations and tests were done. I was still feeling a great amount of weakness and instability on my hips all the way down. I was still walking like a penguin. I was still finding it difficult to swallow. This time, I couldn’t get up easily from sitting on the toilet bowl anymore. Another 24 hours had passed. The doctors were still puzzled. They were considering some nerve or muscular illnesses. I had no other medications apart from paracetamol and ibuprofen. During the two nights that I was in the hospital, my 5-month-old baby was staying with me since I was still exclusively breastfeeding him. I still thought that perhaps it was all due to exhaustion and sleep deprivation.

Third day came. The doctor allowed me to stay at home overnight. I convinced them because my toddler was crying so hard on the phone. He wanted Mommy to be home. The doctors were understanding so we agreed that I’d stay home overnight but I had to come back to the ward the next day at eight in the morning. I thought I could make it so well at home overnight.

At home. I went to the loo. I tried to stand up on my own after. I couldn’t. Husband had to lift me up. I sat on our couch. I fed our baby. I couldn’t stand up afterwards. Husband had to lift me up. We went to bed. We managed through the night. I woke up with severe pain on my hips all the way down to my feet. I tried hard to sit up from lying down. I couldn’t. Husband lifted me up. I took a shower. I couldn’t shampoo my hair so well. My arms started to feel weak and heavy when lifted up. I couldn’t comb my hair too anymore. I began to feel really, really bad about my situation. I felt so incapable. I thought about starting to think about who could replace me as the wife and the mother in case things continue to get worse.

Back to hospital. Neurologists examined me again. I cried hard in front of them. They understood how I felt. A nerve conduction test was done. Another set of blood tests. Almost an hour long of brain, neck and spine MRI. Another day had passed. Doctors wouldn’t allow me to go home after learning about how I was at home. I thought that perhaps it’s really best for me to stay in the hospital.

Another night in the hospital. My baby was still with me. He got immunised that morning after they dropped me off to hospital. He got a bit warm during the day. He was fuzzy and very clingy during the night. I didn’t get to sleep so well. I thought perhaps husband was right about already transitioning our baby to formula.

A new day or so I thought. A different team of neurologists came and said that test results were all good. I was relieved yet still wondering what could be wrong. They examined me again.  They were puzzled. They had to make me stay in the hospital for another day or two. The situation was getting more and more difficult to handle — physically, psychologically and emotionally — for me, my husband and our little ones. I thought about just giving up and convince the doctors to just let me go home and be with our boys.

Breastfeeding no more. Husband and I decided to start giving formula to our baby. Husband courageously took both boys home. He had a very rough night. I had a sleepless night thinking about our family. I thought about several different options for our family’s future.

No discharge order. I was hoping all morning that I would be discharged during the day. Doctors didn’t want me to go home. I still had severe pains overnight. I still couldn’t sit up on my own from lying position. I still couldn’t stand up from sitting on any low-levelled seat. It was still difficult to swallow. I thought perhaps I was an alien that my condition couldn’t be diagnosed by the specialists.

Alone time. I was getting more emotional. I hated my situation because I couldn’t look after my family. I couldn’t even carry our boys. They couldn’t play normally as they usually opted to stay close to me. But then I asked my husband to just go home earlier during that day. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be with my boys. I wanted to be with my husband. It was our 3rd wedding anniversary. But what I wanted the most was for them to enjoy that beautiful day. It’s summer here and the weather was awesome. I thought they’d go home if I appeared to be so irritable and so did I then they went home.

Still a child. I felt I had to talk to someone who’s very close to me. I called Papa. I cried hard. I told him about my worries. I cried and cried until I felt somewhat relieved. I was OK after. I thought that I just had an explosion of emotions.

New team of neurologists. Another exhausting night for the family back home. Another painful night for me in the hospital. A new team of three neurologists came and examined me. I told them I was feeling stronger and that I’d love to be home soon. The senior doctor said it seemed like they wouldn’t allow to leave the hospital yet. That was the first time that a doctor appeared to be sure about what could’ve been happening to me. I thought that sounded like a sophisticated condition.

GBS. Guillain Barré Syndrome was the condition that the doctor explained to me. It was actually the impression of the first doctor who saw me in the emergency department. During the visit of the team the next day, the senior doctor said that he was very confident that it’s GBS. I couldn’t describe how I felt. I felt relieved that they finally had a diagnosis. I had billions of questions in my mind. I was so worried, most especially about my boys. I thought, “So what’s next?”

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