When I am asked “How are you?” nowadays, I honestly don’t know how I should answer that question.

How am I in terms of my health? Hmmm… I can say that I am so much better and stronger now as compared to how I was in January and February.

How am I? How do I feel nowadays? I can say that I can still find reasons to be happy, most especially when my sons are around. But there is one thing that I should be honest about.

I’ve been anxious and sometimes depressed.

Who wouldn’t be anxious when more than three months have already passed yet my condition isn’t clear until now? Who wouldn’t be anxious when I’ve seen worse result of a repeat blood test yet I’m still waiting for my turn on a test that might most likely confirm my condition? Who wouldn’t be anxious when I was supposed to undergo a test yet I received a call hours before informing me that the machine broke down and that the test would be moved a month after?

Who wouldn’t be anxious now that I learnt that the AChR level in my bloodstream had doubled up in just a matter of two months? (Here’s What is AChR?) The first AChR blood test done returned a 2.4 units result and the repeat test returned a 4.8 units result. Acceptable level is less than 0.4 units. This was the blood test result that made my neurologists think that I have Myasthenia Gravis instead of Guillain-Barré Syndrome. (Here’s What’s Myasthenia Gravis?)

Yes, with the help of all the therapies that I’ve been going through, I have been better and stronger nowadays yet there have been days when I would feel all the initial symptoms back once I get tired.

Yes, I have graduated from using a walking frame but I still need to use a walking stick and I have been prescribed with a pair of distance eyeglasses. And I am still not allowed to be out and about without an adult companion. How many 35-year-olds have been required to walk with a stick and eyeglasses and required to have an adult companion? I am still thankful for the progress that I have made in the past few weeks though. But, honestly, it is hard!

Required when I’m out and about plus an adult companion

Who wouldn’t be depressed when you have two young adorable boys yet you cannot run around a park with them? Who wouldn’t be depressed when you would want to take them to swimming yet you can’t because no one can give you an assurance that you can be safe when you go for a swim?

Who wouldn’t be depressed when you’re thirty-five yet you have to depend on other adults around you? Who wouldn’t be depressed when you want to believe that you’ve been recovering well yet many people treat you and look at you like you are a very fragile item?

Who wouldn’t be depressed when all you want to do every single day is to just do all the things that you would normally do yet you have to undergo physiotherapy, occupational therapy plus talk therapy (psychotherapy) almost every day then you have to be checked by a dietician and speech & language therapist every now and then? That’s exhausting yet I am still grateful that I am being looked after very well by this awesome rehab team.

All these things plus some issues on the sidetrack have made me feel anxious and depressed yet I am still so thankful for all the help and blessings that I have been receiving.

So how am I nowadays? I am not really OK yet I am still fighting and trying to look fine. And I’m still looking forward for what is beyond all these challenges. After all, life must go on!