I believe that each pair of mom and dad has a unique set of ideals and preferences for their children — how  they are as parents, how they perceive their children, whom they allow to look after their children, what kind of education their children should have, which school their children should attend.

As for me and my husband, our parenting style has been inspired by this French song:

Les petits poissons, dans l’eau 
nagent, nagent, nagent, nagent, nagent,

Les petits poissons, dans l’eau 
nagent aussi bien que les gros 
Les petits, les gros nagent comme il faut,

Les gros, les petits nagent bien aussi.

In English:

The little fish in water – swim, swim, swim, swim, swim,

The little fish in water – you should swim as well as the big ones.

The little ones, the big ones – swim as well as you should

The big ones, the little ones – swim well too.

As much as possible, we do our best to treat each of our boys how we treat other adults and how we want to be treated as adults.

We encourage our 2-year-old boy to make decisions for himself. As early as now, we let him choose his clothes unless there’s a required attire. We encourage him to “socialise” and play with other people but if he’s not in the mood or if he wants to play on his own then that’s totally fine for as long as he’s still polite and respectful when he refuses to play with others. While we decide on which food he must eat, he can decide on how much food he will have in a meal (only he can feel when he’s already full). While we make him go to bed between 7:30pm and 8pm (and while we strongly wish that he falls asleep right away), we can’t make him sleep unless his body and mind are ready to sleep. We don’t insist on anything unless it is necessary.

For most Asians, I know that our parenting style is very unusual. I remember how, at an early age, I was not just being read to but I was already being taught how to read. I can still picture the letters and remember the smell of the Abakada book that I had when I was around 2 or 3 years old. Yes, I have an idea of how young I was then because I remember that it was Mama who was with me at that moment and I started living with my late grandma before I turned 4. At 4, I was already going to a kindergarten where we were asked to write letters, words and even our full names (mine has a total of 29 letters so I’d rather write all the letters of the alphabet). We were already taught how to count and write the numbers. We had quizzes and long tests. And as early as that time, I already had a belief that failures would always cause not only shame on me but disappointment on my elders. I felt like I always needed to have a 100% score or at least 90%; otherwise, my elders would feel bad and I would be laughed at by other people.

But as I grew old, I have become more and more aware of which are better and more important than being intelligent and having a “Superior” IQ level. And most of the things in my past have greatly affected how I parent my boys now.

We want them to fully enjoy their childhood as they learn and grow up as good and responsible men. We want them to experience freedom as they learn to balance it with self-control and sense of responsibility. We want them to feel that we trust them as they aim to keep themselves as trustworthy individuals. We want them to trust themselves.

How can we do these? By believing in them and respecting them as much as we believe and respect ourselves.